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    The Week In Review

    Slideshow • ISSUE 46•40 • Oct 5, 2010
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    • Bush Still Working On Manned Mission To Mars Quietly In Spare Time

      DALLAS—Speaking from his home in Dallas, former president George W. Bush told reporters Tuesday that when he's not busy giving lectures or writing his memoirs, he spends most of his spare time working on the manned mission to Mars he proposed in January 2004.
      1 of 9
    • All Of Artist’s Nudes Look Terrified

      2 of 9
    • Justin Bieber Found To Be Cleverly Disguised 51-Year-Old Pedophile

      Sex offender Michael Cote carefully engineered his rise to teen pop stardom to gain access to thousands of underage girls.
      3 of 9
    • Something About Tax Cuts Or Earnings Or Money Or Something In Recent Economic News

      WASHINGTON—Some sort of tax cut or earnings or money or something was reported in economic news this week in further evidence that a lot of financial- related things have been going on lately.
      4 of 9
    • Exhausted Ken Burns Urges Baseball To Stop

      WALPOLE, NH—Exhausted and haggard documentarian Ken Burns begged Major League Baseball to cease operations Tuesday, saying that any future games, trades, or league action would warrant further installments of the filmmaker's sprawling, now 23-hour-long documentary Baseball.
      5 of 9
    • Script Has Been Floating Around Hollywood For 75 Years

      Has Had More Than 250 Stars And 300 Directors Attached, Been Rewritten 600 Times

      BURBANK, CA—According to Hollywood sources, Warner Bros. Entertainment officially acquired the rights this week to the long- unproduced film project entitled The Final Symphony, which has reportedly been floating around in various states of production with seven different studios since 1935.
      6 of 9
    • Teen With Cancer Vows It Won't Keep Her From Being Mean, Moody Little Shit

      RACINE, WI—Despite having been diagnosed four months ago with an often fatal form of adolescent leukemia, 15-year-old Van Buren High School sophomore Rachel Fullerton told reporters Tuesday that she refuses to let the disease prevent her from being a nasty, spiteful little shit.
      7 of 9
    • Mike Ditka Suddenly Realizes He’s Not Coaching A Team

      8 of 9
    • People Who Plug Their Ears When An Ambulance Passes By: Pussies, Right?

      9 of 9
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