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    The Week In Sports – Week Of July 26, 2013

    Slideshow • Sports • ISSUE 49•30 • Jul 26, 2013
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    • Nate Silver Warns Against Overestimating His Value To ESPN

      NEW YORK—After officially announcing his move from The New York Times to ESPN, prominent statistician and blogger Nate Silver reportedly urged Americans Monday to avoid overestimating his overall worth to the sports network.
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    • Area Dad Just Absolutely Sobbing After Phil Mickelson Win

      DOVER, DE—After Phil Mickelson birdied the 18th hole at Muirfield to assure his British Open victory last Sunday, local dad Tom Culp reportedly broke down in tears in the family’s downstairs TV room.
      2 of 8
    • Ryan Braun: 'Never Believe Any Of Us'

      MILWAUKEE—In his first statement after receiving a 65-game suspension from baseball, Brewers slugger Ryan Braun called on fans Tuesday to remember that every single word that he or any other baseball player accused of using steroids has ever said pu...
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    • Brewers Worried Ryan Braun Suspension Might Put Season In Jeopardy

      MILWAUKEE—Following news that Milwaukee Brewers outfielder Ryan Braun will sit out the rest of 2013 due to his alleged involvement with performance-enhancing drug supplier Biogenesis, the power hitter's teammates told reporters Tuesday that they wer...
      4 of 8
    • Doctors Clear RGIII’s Knee For Light Tearing

      RICHMOND, VA—Calling it an encouraging sign for the 23-year-old, Redskins team doctors have reportedly cleared quarterback Robert Griffin III’s knee to resume light tearing this week, team sources confirmed Wednesday.
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    • Greg Oden Suppresses Severe Shooting Pain All Over Body During Meeting With Heat

      INDIANAPOLIS—Having already received interest from several other NBA teams, reports confirmed Thursday that former Portland Trail Blazers center Greg Oden suppressed acute shooting pains throughout his entire body while holding talks...
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    • Tony Romo Practicing For First Time Since Surgery To Remove Ovarian Cyst

      OXNARD, CA—According to sources inside the Dallas Cowboys training staff, quarterback Tony Romo returned to the practice field Thursday for the first time since undergoing surgery to remove a painful ovarian cyst.
      7 of 8
    • Golden State Warriors Tore Up NBA Summer League, Reports Man Who Has Never Been So Alone

      LINTON, IN—While sitting at the Sportsman Pub’s bar Thursday, local man Gregory Quinn, who has never felt so lonely and isolated in his entire life, reportedly announced that the Golden State Warriors had really torn up the NBA Summer League.
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    • More Slideshows

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      • The Onion's Continuing Coverage Of The Royal Baby

      • The Week In Pictures – Week Of July 22, 2013

      • The Week In Sports – Week Of July 19, 2013

      • Deepak Chopra's EPIC Twitter Meltdown

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