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    The Week In Sports – Week Of June 7, 2013

    Slideshow • Sports • ISSUE 49•23 • Jun 7, 2013
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    • Indiana Pacers Feel Stupid For Believing In Themselves

      MIAMI—Following their 99-76 Game 7 loss in the Eastern Conference Finals, Indiana Pacers players confirmed Tuesday that they felt like complete idiots for believing in themselves and foolishly thinking that they ever had a chance against the Miami H...
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    • Miami Heat Unable To Tell If Congratulations Are Sarcastic Or Not

      MIAMI—After eliminating the Indiana Pacers to reach the NBA finals for the third consecutive year, Miami Heat players were reportedly struggling Monday to determine whether those congratulating them on their victory were being sarcastic.
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    • Arena Security Prevents Erik Spoelstra From Celebrating With Miami Heat

      MIAMI—Following the Miami Heat’s decisive Game 7 victory over the Indiana Pacers in the Eastern Conference championship series Monday night, security personnel at American Airlines Arena reportedly rushed to the floor to prevent Erik Spoelstra...
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    • Nation Wondering What Telegenic, Eloquent Grant Hill Will Do For Money After Retirement

      LOS ANGELES—In response to small forward Grant Hill retiring after 19 seasons in the NBA, Americans across the country this week reportedly pondered how the telegenic, eloquent, and tremendously likeable Duke graduate will earn money now that his ba...
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    • Gregg Popovich Admits Winning Championship This Year Would Mean About The Same As Previous Titles

      SAN ANTONIO—After reaching his fifth NBA championship series, Spurs head coach Gregg Popovich admitted to reporters Wednesday that winning this year’s title would mean almost exactly as much to him as the previous four he’s won.
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    • Tim Duncan Argues Theory Of Infinite Divisibility Prevents Any Team From Winning Championship

      MIAMI—Applying an analytical framework dating back to 360 BC, Spurs power forward Tim Duncan used the concept of infinite divisibility Thursday to argue that, in theory, no team could win the NBA championship.
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    • Pat Riley Shows Up To NBA Finals In Signature Bowl Cut

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    • John Tortorella Pacing Around Penn Station Screaming At Total Strangers To Clear Puck Into Neutral Zone

      NEW YORK—According to confused onlookers inside Penn Station, recently fired New York Rangers head coach John Tortorella is currently wandering around the major rail terminal yelling at complete strangers to clear the puck into the neutral zone.
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