RICHMOND, VA—Inciting further speculation that Virginia governor Tim Kaine would be named Sen. Barack Obama's running mate, snickering reports from the Kaine household have indicated that the 50-year-old father of three has the experience and leadership qualities necessary to become vice president—assuming the position is vice president of being a total dork. "Oh, sure, yeah, [Kaine] is definitely ready to fill out the ticket by appealing to white blue-collar workers and Latinos," said Tim Kaine expert and daughter Annella Kaine, 13. "Not! He'll probably be like, 'Vote for me and I'll make everyone go to bed early. Derr, derr, derr.'" For now, no official decision has been announced regarding the Democratic ticket, and Kaine's children continue to maintain that nothing short of a high-level cabinet position will convince them to allow their dad to talk to any of their friends.