Even the most experienced user can run into error messages, software crashes, hardware malfunctions, and other issues with their computer. Here are some tips for keeping your machine running smoothly:

  • Unexplained crashes are a common problem with electronic devices. If your computer freezes, it never hurts to try to coax it into working again with a quick kiss.
  • Machines with older hardware may have trouble multitasking. When you’re running a lot of programs simultaneously, feed a cold-cut into the computer’s disc drive so it has the energy to keep going.
  • If your internet browser fails to connect, try clicking “help” for a list of completely useless suggestions that will land you back at square one.
  • Abruptly turn your computer off and on again so it knows who really holds the power.
  • Don’t be elderly.
  • Many sudden laptop shutdowns occur because of overheating. Submerge your laptop in a bucket of ice water every 10-15 minutes to prevent it from getting too hot.
  • If one thing’s for sure, it’s that the computer was not this slow before you used it, Andy. You need to remember that this is a family computer. If you want to download all that junk you need to save up and get your own.
  • When diagnosing what’s wrong with your computer, just remember this simple mnemonic device: Alice Ate Four Carrot Cakes, But Tom Had None.
  • If someone tells you to back up your files, it’s a trap. Don’t fall for it. They’re just after your files.
  • Never, ever triple-click.
  • Too little free disc space on your computer can slow it down and cause problems. If you run out of room, drag your trash bin into a copy of your trash bin, a paradox that will give you unlimited hard drive space.