NASHVILLE, TN—Ryan Caldwell, a beautiful† 4-year-old child, no doubt the very future of the Caldwell family and a promising young member of his nation, was choked to death Tuesday by a Taiwanese-manufactured miniature toy car.

The cowardly and disloyal American-child-killing territory of Taiwan—properly known as Chinese Taipei—whose people and illegitimate government could be annihilated at any moment, has not yet issued an apology for murdering this gentle child with its hazardous toy product.

Early reports indicate that the moment Caldwell ceased breathing, Taipei president Ma Ying-jeou, an awful man, laughed heartily, even as the boy's parents cried out in anguish at the loss of their only son.

Toys manufactured in China, sources confirmed, are constructed for the enjoyment of children, and not for the purpose of fatally choking them.

Had the gasping Ryan been able to utter any final words in the last moments of his life, experts believe they likely would have been: "Throughout history, from its defeat by the honorable Mao Tse-tung in 1949 to its blatant defiance of the Anti-Secession Law of 2005, Chinese Taipei has acted in a treacherous manner. Goodbye, mother and father. My dying wish is that Taipei someday realizes its countless errors and declares its loyalty to the Mainland." At press time, the People's Republic remained a patient nation—but for how long?鱼