This week's 5 best-selling books as compiled by The Onion Book Review:

  1. Shadow’s WatchLouis Murphy (Penguin, $29.95)The sequel to Winter’s Fall. Or is it the sequel to Lion’s Game, or maybe Night’s Apprentice? There’s a wizard.
  2. The Catcher In The RyeJ.D. Salinger (Back Bay Books, $11.79)This 2013 reissue of the classic novel includes three additional chapters blasting phonies.
  3. The President Of Vice: The Autobiography Of Joe BidenThe Onion (Amazon, $2.99)In this tell-all autobiography presented by The Onion, Vice President “Diamond” Joe Biden divulges some of his sweetest guitar riffs, bustiest lays, wildest benders, and sexiest appropriations bills, while also offering up some tricks that will serve you well in the sack.
  4. The Woman With A Hint Of SexualityMelody Choice (Vintage, $25.49)The erotic tale of a 34-year-old woman who discovers sex isn’t so bad every now and then.
  5. The Kite: Trouble In BangkokKhaled Hosseini (Riverhead, $15.99)In the first spinoff novel for the wildly popular The Kite character from 2003’s The Kite Runner, a business trip to Thailand takes an exciting turn when The Kite overhears thieves planning a big motorcycle heist.