This week's 5 best-selling books as compiled by The Onion Book Review:

  1. Portrait Of The Artist As A Young Man In An Awkward Phase As A Mod Wearing A TurtleneckJames Joyce (Little Brown, $14.99) The author embraces a period of life most people pretend never happened.
  2. 7 Habits of Highly Reflective PeopleRoy Fleet (Berkley Books, $11.99)A self-help book showcasing the motivated and goal-oriented behavior of the shiny metallic humanoids that walk among us.
  3. Five Pounds of SudokuWill Shortz (St. Martin’s Griffin, $12.95)Featuring 80 ounces of difficult-level puzzles, The New York Times puzzle editor presents his heaviest collection of Sudoku puzzles yet.
  4. TV Guide’s Golden YearsTV Guide Editors (Crown, $14.99)A collection of the best synopses from the ’60s and ’70s, including classics such as this from March 16, 1971: “9:30 p.m. – All In The Family – Archie is worried about his job.”
  5. About A BuoyNick Hornby (Simon & Schuster, $12.99)This coming-of-waves story follows an introverted buoy living in the English Channel.