This week's 5 best-selling books as compiled by The Onion Book Review:

  1. Hands Of SalvationDean Koontz (Bantam, $21.95) Weston McKay is blessed with an extraordinary power and curse: His right hand can cure any sick person through touch alone, but then his left hand automatically slaps the person’s face really hard.
  2. Stairway To Heaven: The Life And Loves Of George HarrisonMitch Furback (Simon & Schuster, $23.99) A book whose author knows what you’re about to say, and he doesn’t care. The title works, damn it.
  3. Complacent GeorgeH. A. Rey (HMH Books for Young Readers, $13.98) George sees a blue kite float by and doesn’t really care where it came from.
  4. Law Man In Some Hot WaterJohn Grisham (Doubleday, $23.99) A law man catches his boss doing something unethical, and now he has to run around so bad people don’t catch and hurt him.
  5. Weirdo Creep To HeroMelvin Atwood (Penguin, $20.99) A biography about Nelson Mandela and his journey from a weirdo creep boy to a hero adult.