Hockey's second season, the Stanley Cup playoffs, is upon us, and Onion Sports breaks down the top contenders.

  • New York Rangers: Should be in for a dramatic playoffs, both because their game is built around goaltending and because they'll be playing home games at the Metropolitan Opera House
  • Vancouver Canucks: Their fans will brutally murder the children they have taken hostage if any team beats the Canucks, so it looks like smooth sailing for Vancouver
  • Boston Bruins: Last year's champs may go down early, since they know winning the Stanley Cup isn't as great as everyone thinks
  • St. Louis Blues: Second in the West with 107 points, though they came in 107 overtime losses
  • Florida Panthers: A strong third seed, tenacious on the forecheck, and dangerous in transition, but we're sorry, there just shouldn't be a damn hockey team in Florida
  • Los Angeles Kings: Goalie Jonathan Quick leads the NHL in shutouts, which is great for him, but very inconsiderate to fans of the other teams.
  • Pittsburgh Penguins: A sure Cup contender, barring the inconceivable possibility that someone figures out some way to keep the invincible Sidney Crosby down
  • Detroit Red Wings: Has great home-ice advantage thanks to the strong support they receive from their fan base and the begrudging support they receive from those dating their cute fan base