Between questions of breastfeeding, circumcision, vaccinations, and must-have accessories, moms and dads are confronted with a wealth of options when it comes to raising their children. Here are the top parenting trends of 2014:

  • Many couples are waiting to announce their pregnancy until after their child has graduated college and become a partner in a successful law firm.
  • Mothers are increasingly allowing their newborns to starve to death due to their paralyzing inability to decide between formula and breast milk.
  • Many parents are choosing not to learn the gender of their obstetrician.
  • More and more parents are using so-called long-term surrogates to not only carry their child to term, but also to raise, care for, and eventually send him or her to college.
  • Including a piece of umbilical cord with birth announcements.
  • Birthday-themed parties are a fast-growing trend, with parents throwing a party roughly once a year for their child around the time of his or her birth, complete with cake, party hats, and presents.
  • A growing contingent of new mothers are choosing to read about the many health benefits of eating placenta before ultimately chickening out.
  • As part of the new Infinity Womb trend, women are using a wide range of Lamaze, yoga, and strength-training techniques to forcefully prevent their children from ever leaving their womb, forever protecting them from the harsh realities of the world.
  • If you’re not a white, upper-middle-class couple, everything is pretty much the same as last year.