ST. PAUL, MN—One of the most sought-after high school recruits of the year, Sean Harrisson, a 270-pound, 6-foot-2 linebacker, unwittingly signed with Notre Dame after Fighting Irish coach Brian Kelly played a series of mind tricks on the senior. "Wait, I just signed with who?" said a baffled Harrison, whose facial expression turned to shock and horror as he noticed Notre Dame football logos all around him. "Oh my God, no. No no no. See, I couldn't understand what he [Brian Kelly] was saying. He gave me this drink, and things were getting hazier and hazier, and then he kept telling me, 'Do not not say no if you do not want to not play for a top 10 program.' I was so confused, I said no. Wait a minute—I could've sworn he was wearing a Miami Hurricanes hat when he got here." This is not the first case of the Fighting Irish manipulating a youngster into signing with them, as demonstrated by the case of former Notre Dame quarterback Brady Quinn, who was infamously tricked into attending the school after being told South Bend, IN had a thriving gay nightclub scene.