Partlycast
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Follow @TheOnion
Show/Hide Navigation
  • Video
  • Politics
  • Sports
  • Business
  • Science/Tech
  • Entertainment
  • Breaking
  • More
    • Video
    • Politics
    • Sports
    • Business
    • Science/Tech
    • Entertainment
    • Breaking

    TUCSON, AZ—While Keith Toney is perfectly content as a crane operator, he would really love to be one of those guys who drives around a car that looks like a thing.

    National News Highlights • Local • Jun 23, 2013
    • Facebook0
    • Twitter0
    • Google Plus0
    PreviousNEW YORK—Although no one could tell, Barbara ...NextDELAFIELD, WI—Ice cream truck driver Robert Shaw ...

    Recent News

    Edward Snowden’s Life Just Flat-Out Fun And ExcitingAsshole Awarded For Asshole Behavior By Business Community LeadersGrown Adult Walks Right Into Karate StudioWoman Apparently Wants To Smell EdibleFans Of Green Screens, Incredibly Fake-Looking Things Express Love For Modern CinemaBashar Al-Assad Introduces Syrian Bike-Sharing ProgramDick Van Dyke Finally Confesses To Zodiac Killings

    Recent Videos

    Nation Just Wants To Be Safe, Happy, Rich, Comfortable, Entertained At All Times 

    Area Desk Doesn't Mind If People Sit On It Like A Chair Every Once In AwhileEconomists: People Who Paint Selves Silver And Pretend To Be Statues Make Average Of $10 Million Per Year

    • Books: Newswire: Amazon is going to sell Kurt Vonnegut-related fan fiction now

    • TV: TV Club: The Awesomes

    • Orange Is The New Black, "Blood Donut"/"Moscow Mule"

    • WTF Desktop NotePad

    • Kitten Thinks of Nothing But Murder Magnet

    • "I'm a Douche" Coffee Mug

    • Nation Just Wants To Be Safe, Happy, Rich, Comfortable, Entertained At All Times

    • A.V. Club Pop Pilgrims: We visit the photo-shoot site that's become a monument to Elliott Smith

    • ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead covers The Kinks' "Sunny Afternoon"

    Follow The Onion

    Receive The Newsletter

    • Personals
    • FAQ
    • Contact Us
    • Jobs
    • Media Kit
    • Privacy Policy
    • Franchising
    • RSS & Apps

    The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. ©Copyright 2013 Onion Inc. All rights reserved