Early this morning one of our deliverymen managed to run over not one but two dogs along Beacon Street. The Onion sends its heartfelt apologies to the families of Koda and Beans.
An article yesterday repeatedly referred to Hillary Clinton as “the birthday girl.” This was unprofessional and entirely inaccurate.
The Onion apologizes for its failure to meet the oh-so-high editorial standards of a genius such as yourself.
The headline of Tuesday's article about homegrown terrorism was not as alarmist as it could have been.