SPRINGDALE, AR—The dynamic processes by which matter and energy function in the physical world ground to a halt Thursday night as 7-year-old Troy Benton paged through his first fully illustrated book about sharks. "Whoa!" said Benton, who was staring wide-eyed at a photo of a great white shark when time came to a complete standstill, the planets stopped dead in their orbits, and a strange, unknowable force disrupted all of existence and caused a rift in the very fabric of reality. "Up to 20 rows of teeth?" Sources confirmed that earlier this month the universe and all the laws governing it collapsed entirely on occasions coinciding with Benton's discovery of cobras, dinosaurs, and fighter jets.
More News in Brief
Biden Investigated For Questionable Workers’ Comp Claim
WASHINGTON—Weeks after accepting a workers’ compensation settlement for a personal injury he purportedly sustained on the job, Vice President Joe Biden is under investigation ...
Gay Kid Excited To Be Made Fun Of For Second Thing
SUGAR LAND, TX—Shortly after reports surfaced today that the Boy Scouts of America had voted to lift its ban on gay youths, local homosexual ...
Man Eating McChicken Sandwich Can Tell McDonald's Switched Up Antibiotics
SEATTLE—Citing “subtle notes of ethambutol and clindamycin,” longtime McDonald’s customer Chris Hingle reported Thursday that he could discern from the taste of his ...



0

