LONDON—Members of the U.S. men's gymnastics team have continued to apologize for their fifth-place finish in Monday’s team finals, mistakenly convinced that they dashed the entire nation's dreams of Olympic glory. "They didn't even come close to letting us down," said Minnesota resident Harry Camiel, referring to the male gymnasts who earlier fought back tears as they struggled to express how deeply sorry they were for breaking the hearts of the 300 million devoted fans they believed were counting on them. "Not a big deal. We don't actually care one way or the other whether you won or lost. It's not something important like basketball." At press time, the U.S. populace was unavailable for further comment, as it was completely absorbed in highlights from the Blue Jays–Mariners game.