WASHINGTON, DC—According to a geological survey released Tuesday by the U.S. Department of the Interior, 40 percent of the nation's total land mass is now composed of sports paraphernalia. Among the paraphernalia: Ken Griffey Jr. Donruss Leaf rookie cards; Starter-brand Miami Heat windbreakers; Frank Thomas MLB replica batting helmets; limited-edition Green Bay Packers Super Bowl XXXI commemorative mouse pads; NASCAR set-of-four drink coasters; officially licensed Team USA replica Olympic hockey jerseys; The NBA's Greatest Slams videotapes; 1992 Notre Dame-Florida Sugar Bowl game programs; and Milwaukee Bucks "Tasmanian Devil" key chains.
More News in Brief
Everyone Forgets To Bring Swimsuits To Coworker’s Party
'What Are The Odds?' Pasty, Flabby Colleagues Say
ARLINGTON, TX—While gathered for a party at a coworker’s backyard pool Saturday, out-of-shape colleagues at Shuster, Layne & Associates were struck by the coincidence ...
Coworker Who Went To Gym This Morning A Chipper Little Fucker
BROOKLYN, NY—Running his hands through his freshly showered hair while hanging his backpack on the back of his chair, unbearably chipper little motherfucker Dave ...
Call From Daycare Can't Be Good
HARRISBURG, PA—Speculating that the rest of her day will now definitely take a turn for the worse, local mother Nicole Mendlow confirmed Friday that ...




0

