WAUKESHA, WI—The flaw in party hostess Lynn Tiede's jack-o'-lantern-as-punch-bowl concept will soon be apparent.

More News In Wisconsin

• Dog Costumed To Create Illusion Of Sports-Team Preference

  ISSUE 35•29 | 08.18.99 | News in Brief

  APPLETON, WI—Queenie, a 6-year-old Appleton golden retriever, was dressed in a manner making her appear partial to the Green Bay Packers Saturday, when owner Mike Modjieska stuffed the dog into a green-and-gold Packer T-shirt prior to the start of a preseason game against the New York Jets. "I'm a Packer Backer, my wife's a Packer Backer, and Queenie's the biggest Packer Backer of all," said Modjieska, filling Queenie's Green Bay Packers water dish. "I wouldn't own a dog that supported any other NFL team." Modjieska said Queenie's favorite players are Brett Favre, Mark Chmura and Antonio Freeman. more»

• 83-Year-Old Sneaks Into 65-To-80 Singles Dance

  ISSUE 38•20 | 05.29.02 | News in Brief

  APPLETON, WI—Claude Winters, 83, falsified his age Saturday to gain admission to a dance for singles aged 65 to 80 at the Appleton VFW. "The girls at the over-80 dances are so old-fashioned," said Winters, eyeing a shapely 68-year-old widow across the dance floor. "When I go produce shopping, I want my vegetables, you know, fresh." Winters stressed he is not "some cradle-robbing pervert looking for pre-menopausal women." more»

• Teen Learns The Negligible Value Of A Dollar

  ISSUE 40•12 | 03.24.04 | News in Brief

  ASHLAND, WI—After earning $5 for mowing his family's half-acre lawn, 13-year-old Andrew Mink learned the negligible value of a dollar at the town's sporting-goods store Sunday. "Pops dropped me off at Dunham's before baseball practice so I could buy something with my hard-earned money," Mink said. "I kinda wanted a baseball glove, but that was almost $40. A new bat was, like, $65. Even a batting glove was more than $10." The teen finally found a wristband for $3.99, but he was unable to afford sales tax on the item after reserving one dollar for his bus fare home. more»

• New Lion Tamer Shocked By Vast Amount Of Paperwork

  ISSUE 43•32 | 08.09.07 | News in Brief

  BARABOO, WI—Traveling circus performer Scott Mueller, who said he has dreamed of becoming a lion tamer since childhood, was dismayed Monday... more»

• Local Sheriff Suspects Al-Qaeda Or Teens

  ISSUE 40•33 | 08.18.04 | News

  BARABOO, WI—Sauk County Sheriff Virgil "Butch" Steinhorst announced Tuesday that he believes a recent rash of Baraboo-area crimes was perpetrated by the al-Qaeda terrorist network or teenagers. more»

  

• Area Man Unsure Whether He's On Right Bus For Most Of Trip

  ISSUE 36•25 | 07.26.00 | News in Brief

  BARABOO, WI–Chicago resident Joe Mendenhall, nearly four hours into a seven-hour bus trip he hopes is to Minneapolis, is experiencing serious misgivings about whether he is, in fact, on the right bus. "I'm not recognizing any of the town names from the last time I made this trip," Mendenhall said. "And I don't remember the ground being quite this hilly." Mendenhall said he has considered asking the bus driver if he is on the right bus, but he's sure he'll figure it out for himself any time now. more»

• Shiny, Wriggling Object Attracting Interest Among Fish Community

  ISSUE 40•34 | 08.25.04 | News

  BRULE RIVER, WI—No fish has yet made contact with the mesmerizingly minnow-esque bobbling object that appeared around sunrise. more»

  

• Area Dad Suspicious Of Car Parked Across Street

  ISSUE 42•36 | 09.04.06 | News in Brief

  CORONA, WI—Homeowner and father of three Robert LaFontaine issued a statement late Monday, expressing unease and distrust toward an... more»

• Al Kozlewski Pulls A Kozlewski

  ISSUE 39•44 | 11.12.03 | News in Brief

  CUDAHY, WI—Assembled after work at Gil's Tavern, friends of Al Kozlewski agreed Tuesday that the 39-year-old steamfitter had pulled yet another Kozlewski. "Al came in and did that thing he always does," coworker Danny Fassle said. "He sat down at the table, drank two beers from a pitcher that someone else bought, and then suddenly decided that he had to get right home. A classic Kozlewski." When informed of the charges, Kozlewski said that if Fassle has a problem, he should "stop being such a Palaczyk and say it to my face." more»

• Write-In Candidate Thought He Had Enough Friends To Win

  ISSUE 42•45 | 11.07.06 | News in Brief

  CUMBERLAND, WI—Small-business owner and colorful local character Dan "Daffy" Duckson's write-in campaign was defeated by a nearly eight-to-one... more»

• Area Woman Judges Everything By Whether It's Cute

  ISSUE 37•15 | 04.25.01 | News

  EAU CLAIRE, WI–Sharon Sczerba evaluates everything on the basis of cuteness, sources close to the 36-year-old Eau Claire woman reported Monday. more»

  

• Upper-Middle-Class Man Vows To Never Forget Middle-Class Roots

  ISSUE 41•19 | 05.11.05 | News in Brief

  ELMBROOK, WI—Although he earns a salary in the low six figures, 38-year-old investment banker David Monreal said he will always stay true to his middle-class upbringing. "When I was a kid, both of my parents held down jobs just to help pay for our split-level ranch home and two Chryslers," Monreal said. "Mom used to have a rule: no TV during supper. No matter how big my portfolio gets, I'll never forget that rule." Monreal said he hopes one day to take his kids to the office where their Grandpa Joe toiled selling insurance for up to 40 hours a week. more»

• Green Bay Taxi Driver Has Seen Whole Heck Of A Lot

  ISSUE 40•40 | 10.06.04 | News in Brief

  GREEN BAY, WI—David Horsted, 45, announced Monday that he's seen a whole heck of a lot during his 20 years driving a taxi. "Aw, geez, the people I've met and the places I've seen—the stories would make your head spin," Horsted said. "I've been from Lambeau Field to the Barhausen Waterfowl Preserve and every place in between. One time, one of the Packers even threw up in my cab, but I don't think I should say who." With a little prodding, Horsted said the person's first name rhymes with "baloney" and last name with "sandwich." more»

• Working Man Proud Of Job He Hates

  ISSUE 39•45 | 11.19.03 | News

  JANESVILLE, WI—Eagle Cooling employee Brent Festge takes pride in the semi-skill blue-collar job he loathes. more»

  

• Second-Grade Class Has No Questions For Visiting Local Historian

  ISSUE 39•12 | 04.02.03 | News in Brief

  KENOSHA, WI—Roberta Litt's second-graders at LaFollette Elementary School failed to come up with a single question for visiting local historian Elmer Rasmussen Tuesday. "Come on, folks," said Litt, scolding her class. "Mr. Rasmussen was nice enough to come all the way down here today to tell us about immigrant-farmstead life in the 19th century. I find it hard to believe that not one of you has a question." Following an uncomfortable two minutes of silence, Litt ordered the children to put their heads down on their desks for the remainder of the period. more»

• Longtime Married Couple Subjected To Excruciating 'Romantic Weekend Getaway'

  ISSUE 43•28 ISSUE 41•32 | 08.10.05 | News

  KENOSHA, WI—Sources report that longtime married couple Duane and Edna Schumacher's weekend stay at Chicago's FantasyLand Suites was a grueling ordeal of unwelcome interruptions to their long-established marital routine. more»

  

• Man Who's 1/16th Irish Proud Of His Irish Heritage

  ISSUE 38•19 | 05.22.02 | News

  KENOSHA, WI—Despite being just 1/16th Irish, Dennis Kroeger, a 27-year-old marketing manager whose great-great grandmother hailed from County Cork, is fiercely proud of his Irish ancestry. more»

  

• Just Area Man's Luck

  ISSUE 45•45 | 11.06.09 | News in Brief

  KENOSHA, WI—Amid questions as to why this kind of shit always happens to him, area resident Patrick Kennedy told reporters Monday it was... more»

• Area Man Has Far Greater Knowledge Of Marvel Universe Than Own Family Tree

  ISSUE 47•47 ISSUE 45•42 | 10.17.09 | News

  LA CROSSE, WI—"We're from Sweden or Norway or somewhere around there," said Sundling, who when prompted can accurately detail the origins of each costumed hero in the X-Men, the Avengers, the Defenders, and the Squadron Supreme. "I don't know for sure. I never really asked about it." more»

  

• Area Man Way Too Into Local County History

  ISSUE 35•01 | 01.13.99 | News

  LEWANAHO COUNTY, WI—Area resident Gary Pavlik's obsession with Lewanaho County history is becoming a bit sad, sources reported. more»

  

• Freshman Bares Her Soul To Entire Dorm Floor In First Week

  ISSUE 43•35 | 08.30.07 | News in Brief

  MADISON, WI—Through tearful breakdowns, heart-to-heart conversations, and alcohol-infused emotional confessions, Chadbourne Hall resident... more»

• Marine Never Knew What Freedom Was Until He Left The Marines

  ISSUE 38•14 | 04.17.02 | News

  MADISON, WI—Troy Leffler, who spent four long years living under an oppressive, totalitarian Marine Corps regime, never knew how precious freedom was until he left the Marines, the former Private-First Class (PFC) said Sunday. more»

  

• Weed Delivery Guy Saves Christmas

  ISSUE 40•51 | 12.22.04 | News

  MADISON, WI—The holidays evoke images of carolers and hot cocoa, sleigh rides through the crisp country air, and chestnuts roasting on an open fire. But for the four residents of a drafty little apartment on Johnson Street, such holiday traditions seemed nothing more than fairy tales. more»

  

• Obama Suddenly Panicked After Gazing Too Far Into Future

  ISSUE 44•37 | 09.11.08 | News in Brief

  MADISON, WI—Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) fell deathly silent in the middle of a speech on education before the Wisconsin Teachers Union Tuesday,... more»

• Wisconsin Has Crush On Minnesota

  ISSUE 39•25 | 07.02.03 | News in Brief

  MADISON, WI—After years of silent ardor, Wisconsin finally admitted Monday to having a serious crush on its neighbor Minnesota. "Dear Minnesota, I've been wanting to say this for a long time, but I've been too shy—I think you're cute," the Badger State wrote in a three-page letter it slipped under the door of the Minnesota State Capitol in St. Paul. "I think your Glacial Ridge Trail is so pretty. I'll be sitting between Illinois and Michigan if you want to talk to me." Minnesota, which harbors no romantic feelings for Wisconsin, is reportedly trying to figure out a polite way to let the state down easy. more»