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    Weather

    Slideshow • weather • ISSUE 47•18 • May 1, 2011
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    • Overweight College Student Announces Plans To Wear Shorts, Sandals For Rest Of Year

      STATE COLLEGE, PA—Kyle Norton stated that he would also forgo a winter coat and continue to don the same coffee-stained sweatshirt he has been wearing since mid-October.
      1 of 10
    • Fall Canceled After 3 Billion Seasons

      WASHINGTON, DC—Autumn, which had been slotted between summer and winter, will be replaced by stifling humidity, constant sunshine, and little precipitation.
      2 of 10
    • Perfect Soup Weather Coming

      SILVER SPRING, MD—Meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced Monday that Americans should begin preparing for perfect soup weather, which will hit many parts of the country as early as midweek.
      3 of 10
    • Nation Mobilizes For Beautiful Weekend

      NEW YORK—"It may mean sacrificing TV shows and even chores, but we cannot sit idly by as this gorgeous weather rolls in," said one resident, checking multiple forecasts.
      4 of 10
    • Last Of 2008 Christmas Puppies Euthanized, Marking Start Of Spring

      NEW YORK—In a familiar sign that spring is just around the corner, animal shelters across the nation announced this week that they have put down the last batch of dogs that were given as Christmas gifts in 2008.
      5 of 10
    • Weather-Weary Nation Not Surprised By Forecast Of Blood Storms

      WASHINGTON, DC—Weather-beaten U.S. citizens have responded to predictions of swirling blood storms and softball-sized clot-hail with numb resignation.
      6 of 10
    • TV-News Graphics Guy Gives Weatherman On-Air Surprise

      OKLAHOMA CITY, OK—Graphics designer Dan Janney's irreverent weather-map graphic cracked up the entire newsroom.
      7 of 10
    • God Outdoes Terrorists Yet Again

      Officials Uncertain Whether To Save Or Shoot Victims

Nation's Politicians Applaud Great Job They're Doing

Area Man Drives Food There His Goddamned Self

Bush: 'It Has Been Brought To My Attention That There Was Recently A Bad Storm'
      8 of 10
    • Mass Of Unfreshened Air Moving In From Arctic Circle

      WASHINGTON, DC—The National Weather Service has issued a severe musty-odor advisory for a majority of the U.S., as a massive front of stale, unfreshened air sweeps down from the Arctic region.
      9 of 10
    • Channel 6's Suzy Pratt Has Today's Forecast, Debilitating Bouts Of Depression

      NORFOLK, VA—While it's hard to know exactly what Mother Nature has in store for us most of the time, television viewers in the greater Norfolk area can count on one thing: The forecast will always be sunny coming from Channel 6 meteorologist Suzy Pratt.
      10 of 10
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