Sailors Take Warning
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Follow @TheOnion
Show/Hide Navigation
  • Video
  • Politics
  • Sports
  • Business
  • Science/Tech
  • Entertainment
  • Breaking
  • More
    • Video
    • Politics
    • Sports
    • Business
    • Science/Tech
    • Entertainment
    • Breaking

    Weather

    Slideshow • weather • ISSUE 47•18 • May 1, 2011
    • Facebook45
    • Twitter1
    • Google Plus0
    • Overweight College Student Announces Plans To Wear Shorts, Sandals For Rest Of Year

      STATE COLLEGE, PA—Kyle Norton stated that he would also forgo a winter coat and continue to don the same coffee-stained sweatshirt he has been wearing since mid-October.
      1 of 10
    • Fall Canceled After 3 Billion Seasons

      WASHINGTON, DC—Autumn, which had been slotted between summer and winter, will be replaced by stifling humidity, constant sunshine, and little precipitation.
      2 of 10
    • Perfect Soup Weather Coming

      SILVER SPRING, MD—Meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced Monday that Americans should begin preparing for perfect soup weather, which will hit many parts of the country as early as midweek.
      3 of 10
    • Nation Mobilizes For Beautiful Weekend

      NEW YORK—"It may mean sacrificing TV shows and even chores, but we cannot sit idly by as this gorgeous weather rolls in," said one resident, checking multiple forecasts.
      4 of 10
    • Last Of 2008 Christmas Puppies Euthanized, Marking Start Of Spring

      NEW YORK—In a familiar sign that spring is just around the corner, animal shelters across the nation announced this week that they have put down the last batch of dogs that were given as Christmas gifts in 2008.
      5 of 10
    • Weather-Weary Nation Not Surprised By Forecast Of Blood Storms

      WASHINGTON, DC—Weather-beaten U.S. citizens have responded to predictions of swirling blood storms and softball-sized clot-hail with numb resignation.
      6 of 10
    • TV-News Graphics Guy Gives Weatherman On-Air Surprise

      OKLAHOMA CITY, OK—Graphics designer Dan Janney's irreverent weather-map graphic cracked up the entire newsroom.
      7 of 10
    • God Outdoes Terrorists Yet Again

      Officials Uncertain Whether To Save Or Shoot Victims

Nation's Politicians Applaud Great Job They're Doing

Area Man Drives Food There His Goddamned Self

Bush: 'It Has Been Brought To My Attention That There Was Recently A Bad Storm'
      8 of 10
    • Mass Of Unfreshened Air Moving In From Arctic Circle

      WASHINGTON, DC—The National Weather Service has issued a severe musty-odor advisory for a majority of the U.S., as a massive front of stale, unfreshened air sweeps down from the Arctic region.
      9 of 10
    • Channel 6's Suzy Pratt Has Today's Forecast, Debilitating Bouts Of Depression

      NORFOLK, VA—While it's hard to know exactly what Mother Nature has in store for us most of the time, television viewers in the greater Norfolk area can count on one thing: The forecast will always be sunny coming from Channel 6 meteorologist Suzy Pratt.
      10 of 10
    • More Slideshows

      Start Over
      • The Week In Pictures

      • The Week In Pictures

      • Manny Ramirez: A Retrospective

      • The Week In Pictures

      • Potatoes

    Recently in Slideshow See More >

    Lifestyle

    News

    Lifestyle

    Lifestyle

    News

    Travel

    Recent News

    Kate Middleton Suffering From Morning SicknessObama Fed Grapes While Urging Press Conference To Enjoy OrgyWoman Who Cracked 3 Separate iPhone Screens Expecting Baby Boy This AugustLocal Mosque Only Rated 1.5 Stars On YelpFather Excitedly Tells 10-Year-Old Son About New Video Game System‘Our Thoughts Go Out To Oklahoma,’ Says Congressman Mentally Calculating When He Can Bring Up Benghazi Again24-Year-Old Receives Sage Counsel From Venerable 27-Year-Old

    Recent Videos

    Tim Allen, Mark Wahlberg, And Tara Reid Spotted At Starbucks Discussing Oh God What Are They Planning?

    David Fincher To Helm YouTube’s First Hour-Long Drama Series 'Turtle Has Sex With Shoes'Every Glass In Grandmother’s Cupboard Visibly Filthy

    • Psych, "Nip And Suck It"

    • Nashville , "I'll Never Get Out of This World Alive"

    • TV: TV Club: Chicago Fire -- "A Hell Of A Ride"

    • How to Traumatize Your Children Book

    • Assorted Headlines Pint Glasses

    • Cheat to Win Bracelet

    • Could Plastic Surgery Be Your Ticket To Employment? - Dr. Good - Ep. 2

    • The Best Of Today Now!: Fresh Roasted Cup Of News

    • Tim Allen, Mark Wahlberg, And Tara Reid Spotted At Cafe Discussing Oh God What Are They Planning?

    Follow The Onion

    Receive The Newsletter

    • Onion News Empire
    • The Onion Live!
    • Personals
    • FAQ
    • Contact Us
    • Jobs
    • Media Kit
    • Privacy Policy
    • Franchising
    • RSS & Apps

    The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. ©Copyright 2013 Onion Inc. All rights reserved