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    Week In Pictures – Week Of April 29, 2013 

    Slideshow • News • ISSUE 49•17 • Apr 29, 2013
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    • There Are People In World Who Are Concerned About Current State Of Hip-Hop

      NEW YORK—A report published Friday by a team of sociologists has confirmed there are apparently people living in the world today who are deeply concerned about the current state of hip-hop and who continually express genuine worry over the musical g...
      1 of 14
    • Shocked Dzhokar Tsarnaev Always Thought Classmates Were Really Great Judges Of Character

      BOSTON—After fellow students at the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth expressed surprise at Boston Marathon bombing suspect Dzhokar Tsarnaev’s alleged role in last week’s fatal attack, a shocked Tsarnaev told reporters today that his...
      2 of 14
    • Head Of NBC Suddenly Remembers He Meant To Cancel ‘Rock Center’ 8 Weeks Ago

      NEW YORK—Claiming that it “somehow totally slipped [his] mind,” NBC CEO Steve Burke suddenly remembered Monday that he had meant to cancel the weekly news magazine program Rock Center With Brian Williams eight weeks ago, sources c...
      3 of 14
    • Taylor Swift Now Dating Watertown Boat

      BOSTON—Following a string of highly publicized breakups, sources confirmed today that singer-songwriter Taylor Swift is now dating the 22-foot Watertown, MA Sea Hawk pleasure cruiser in which alleged Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokar Tsarnaev sought sh...
      4 of 14
    • Gun Show Vendor Jokes With Insane Customer About How He Hopes He's Not Insane

      ANDERSON, IN—While he was selling mentally unstable customer Bernie Lovell a brand-new hunting rifle earlier this afternoon, local gun show vendor Mark Palmer joked with the new firearm owner and insane man about how he “sure hopes” he...
      5 of 14
    • Study: Wolf Attacks Still Leading Cause Of Death In U.S.

      BETHESDA, MD—According to a new study released Monday by the National Institutes of Health, for the 25th straight year, violent wolf attacks remain the leading cause of death in the United States. 
      6 of 14
    • Surgeon General Warns Teens Cinnamon Challenge Is Not For Pussies

      WASHINGTON—According to an announcement Tuesday by the Surgeon General’s office, the “cinnamon challenge”—a new fad in which teens attempt to swallow spoonfuls of cinnamon without water—may be hazardous to pansy-ass tee...
      7 of 14
    • Citing Battle Of Agincourt, Tim Duncan Urges Lakers Not To Get Too Discouraged By Game 1 Loss

      SAN ANTONIO—Following the Lakers’ 91-79 loss in Game 1 of their playoff series, Spurs power forward Tim Duncan reportedly urged his opponents Tuesday not to be discouraged, reminding them of England’s underdog victory against the French ...
      8 of 14
    • Man Says 'Fuck It,' Eats Lunch At 10:58 A.M.

      CHICAGO—Reasoning that he’s a grown adult who can eat food whenever he damn well pleases, local man Kyle Dunedin, 30, reportedly decided at 10:58 a.m.
      9 of 14
    • Romney Drops By To See How Down-And-Out Family He Met On Campaign Trail Doing

      CANTON, OH—According to reports, former presidential candidate Mitt Romney stopped by Wednesday morning to check up on Allen and Brenda Spearing, a financially strapped mother and father of three with whom he met briefly and had his photo taken whil...
      10 of 14
    • Area Man Now Checks Inside Boat In Driveway Every Morning

      WAUKEGAN, IL—After learning Boston Marathon bombing suspect Dzhokar Tsarnaev had been hiding inside a boat parked in a Massachusetts man’s backyard, 46-year-old Ethan Bryer told reporters Wednesday that he now makes sure to check the interior ...
      11 of 14
    • Nation Wonders How Ad Guys From Vitaminwater Do It

      NEW YORK—Mere weeks after Vitaminwater launched its wildly popular “Make Boring Brilliant” ad campaign, Americans everywhere are reportedly at a loss to explain the boundless creative talent of the marketing visionaries currently promoti...
      12 of 14
    • Report: Come On, Carl, Pull It Together

      Yes, Carl Mendel Of Dayton, Ohio, We Are Talking To You

      DAYTON, OH—Citing his general lack of direction and the fact that he once embraced life and actually had honest-to-God dreams, for Christ’s sake, a new report revealed Tuesday that, come on, Carl, you’ve got to pull it together and get y...
      13 of 14
    • 12 Shocking Table Corners We Wish We Could Unsee

      14 of 14
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      • Week In Pictures – Week Of April 22, 2013

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