Last week's editorial "We're All Doomed" was not intended to be taken literally. Only the poor are doomed; the rich will find a way to get by. The Onion regrets the confusion.
The Onion apologizes for its failure to meet the oh-so-high editorial standards of a genius such as yourself.
The headline of Tuesday's article about homegrown terrorism was not as alarmist as it could have been.
After defending Cindy for years, The Onion finally realized she’s no good. You were right.