Danica Patrick and fuel-injected cars are just two of the exciting changes NASCAR has in store for us this racing season.

  • New advances in flameproof denim and snakeskin will finally allow drivers to dress the way they please
  • Lots of brand-new Kyles, Jeffs, and Travises
  • The emerging love triangle between Carl Edwards, Denny Hamlin, and Ryan Newman is among the most compelling storylines to come about in years
  • Cars redesigned to feature excitement-inducing new blind spots
  • Five-point safety belts now mandatory on all hound-dog seats
  • Jimmie Johnson has quietly, and somewhat sheepishly, asked that everyone call him 'James' from now on
  • Hopefully someone will unfortunately and tragically die in an awesome huge marketable crash
  • All cars will be driven from the press box via remote control, increasing safety while freeing up drivers to make more appearances on behalf of sponsor