Poll

Which pieces of Shaq do you expect to play the biggest role in the Mavs' playoff push?

February 8, 2011 | ISSUE 47•06

  • Dallas trainers should be able to cobble together enough of Shaq's bone shavings to make a new knee for Caron Butler
  • His tongue will make DeShawn Stevenson the witty and fun-loving personality the Mavs' marketing department has been looking for
  • Jose Barea might be able to improve his 3-point shooting with the added balance given to him by Shaq's vestigial tail
  • The coaching staff can convince Shawn Marion to slow down and play a deliberate game by giving him Shaq's half-collapsed lungs
  • Dirk Nowitzki that much closer to fulfilling his dream of having six eyeballs

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