Legal Name: Zachary Nelson

Wingspan: 73”

Species: A horse

Pre-Race Ritual: Lasix, warm-up jog, butazolidin, xylazine, bath, etorphine, post parade

Lifelong Aspiration: To kill small man on back

Biggest Secret: Slowly growing hairline fracture

Number Of Lost College Funds Responsible For: 988

Secret Weapon: Nasal strip that allows him to breathe

Awareness Of Any Of This: None whatsoever