Replacing the late, great Harry Kalas as the voice of NFL Films is no small task. Onion Sports evaluates the leading candidates:
Pat Summerall: Though his voice is ideal for the role, he is completely unable to pronounce the phrase "frozen tundra"
Morgan Freeman: His soothing voice adds a new layer to plays as long as no one minds him calling everyone a penguin
James Earl Jones: Has the perfect voice, and is also willing to carry all the camera equipment and shoot all the games, just as Harry Kalas did
Dan Castellaneta: 40 wacky characters for the price of one, plus he could do the voices of the players and what they're thinking
Gilbert Gottfried: Because the people at NFL Films hate you
Lucinda Williams: Her heartbreakingly sorrowful delivery would lend football highlights the forlorn, weather-beaten desolation they currently lack
Jim Nance: Wouldn't have poisoned Harry Kalas without thinking through how he would eventually get the NFL Films job
Chris Berman: Wait, what? What the fuck? Seriously, who thought that was a good idea?