Contrary to what was reported yesterday, there are no more free whole-fryer chickens just lying on the ground outside the loading dock at Ed's Foods. Stop going down there; they're gone. The Onion regrets the error.
More Corrections
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Last Tuesday, The Onion accidentally printed a photo of a nun feeding an apple to a horse everywhere a photo belonged.
The Birthday Girl
An article yesterday repeatedly referred to Hillary Clinton as “the birthday girl.” This was unprofessional and entirely inaccurate.
We're So Sorry
The Onion apologizes for its failure to meet the oh-so-high editorial standards of a genius such as yourself.



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