Americans pay an average of $1,000 per month to rent their apartments, yet booking a hotel room for one night can cost hundreds of dollars, leading many consumers to question why hotels charge so much for rooms. Here’s The Onion’s look at where your money goes when you book a hotel room:

  • $15: Daily cleanup of water puddles left by dripping wet children getting back from the pool
  • $50: Mandatory all-staff training for folding towels into regionally appropriate animals
  • $14.95: Intermittently high-speed internet
  • $400: Extracting guests stuck in revolving doors
  • $135: Continental breakfast
  • $1,200: Daily hospital costs for burns suffered at waffle-making station
  • $20/hr: Man to stand guard and wave drifters away from your bed while you sleep
  • $8: Cost of shaving regular bar of soap down to miniature bar of soap
  • $15: Power washing blood off headboard
  • $500,000: Pastel picture of a swan on wall of room
  • $4: Price per whistle for doorman hailing a cab
  • $100: Fee to actually not disturb room