WASHINGTON, DC–The EPA released an alarming set of findings on global ozone depletion Monday, prompting the world's six billion inhabitants to cover their ears and chant, "Na, na, na, na, na, na! I'm not listening to youuuu!" Added humanity: "Doop-de-doop-de-dooooooo!" A large portion of North America was also observed rocking back and forth while humming upon hearing the report.