SCHAUMBURG, IL—A deep, drawn-out, world-weary sigh emanated from an occupied bathroom stall at a local office building Monday, witnesses reported. The sigh, described by those who heard it as "somber," "resigned," and "a sad reminder of the crushing pain, anguish, and, ultimately, meaninglessness of life," escaped from the core of the man's being at approximately 12:32 p.m. and echoed quietly off the stall's dividers. After 30 seconds of complete silence—a brief respite from the workday which the man seated on the toilet bowl likely used to contemplate his place in this world—he flushed the toilet, emerged from the stall, forced himself to smile, and returned to his job for yet another day of monotonous, unfulfilling work.