Cedarburg? Yep, that's around here. Lost? Thought so. Saw you driving around a couple of times. Took the River Road exit, didn't you? Well, if you're going to Cedarburg, you sure as hell don't want to take the River Road exit. Take the River Road exit and you'll just wind up right back here.

Now, gettin' to Cedarburg. Nothin's easier, unless you try going back on the highway, on account of it's all construction for a good 20, 25 miles. And if you get off on the Hays or Turnbull Road exit, you'll get stuck following the detour signs and wind up way the heck out of your way. So don't get back on the highway, whatever you do.

Any rate, what you want to do is turn around and head back to the highway, only don't get on. Keep going right on up this road, which is Harriman once it gets past the highway but Creek Road here. Go two, three miles down, take a left, and you'll see a creek. Not Creek Road–it'll be called Harriman down there–a real creek. Why the creek's on the part of the road called Harriman is a mystery to me.

Anyhow, keep going four, five miles, and you'll see a sign for Liberty Township. That sign also says Cedarburg, 14 miles. Whatever you do, though, don't go through Liberty. They got Corn Daze there this weekend, and you'll probably wind up getting stuck behind the big parade. Both streets are closed down for Corn Daze, so stay as far away as you can.

Say, maybe you wanna write all this down. Got a pen? All these overall pockets, and I don't have one. Wait, here's one. Thought it was my tire gauge. That's "Daze" with a "Z." Right.

Okay, now you're going to be headed up 43. You'll see where 43 comes in, don't worry. Just go straight to where the road bends, you can't miss it. Anyway, at the historical marker–not the one for the Stage House, but the one that shows where the river used to be before the Army moved it–there's a kind of a two-roads type of deal. Right, a fork. Take a left, and you're on Pawhuska, which you'd be on if you turned right. But turn left onto Pawhuska. That'd be, let me see, north. Right. So you do want to turn right after all. Sorry.

Any rate, you're on Pawhuska, which is also where 43 continues, like the signs say, so watch the signs for that turn. You're almost there. When you hit Pawhuska, you want to go straight up for about five miles. Straight up, that's right. On Pawhuska. Straight up the road until you hit Cedarburg, and there you are.

Once you're on Cedarburg Road, you're practically home free, except you gotta remember that out in the country, the roads don't always go where they ought to, strictly speaking. But Cedarburg Road isn't one of those, so don't worry. Just go straight on, and you'll see town after five, ten minutes. Go right into town, and there you are.

That's the town of Lena, there. Pretty town. It's on the other side of Cedarburg, but because of the construction, there's nothing for it, I suppose. Go through Lena until you find Fritz Road. Go down there until you find Cedarburg Road again and drive out of town. You'll see a mailbox with a picture of a big old rackety-coon on the side. That's Karl Munson's place. After a ways, you'll see the signs for Bellevue. Go the other way, because you sure as hell don't want to go to Bellevue.

How's that? My phone? Sure, go ahead. My house is over the hill on the gravel road past the second cowbarn, once you find my driveway.