Your Horoscope

Horoscope ISSUE 31•16 Apr 30, 1997
  • Aries You will begin the week feeling tired and "run down," but a delicious glass of grade-A milk will soon set you right as rain.
  • Taurus To be Number One, you must be willing to make sacrifices. Do not, however, deny yourself the taste of fresh creamery butter.
  • Gemini Begin your life-long quest for truth this week by fighting against this century's greatest lie: the myth of lactose intolerance.
  • Cancer This is an important time of spiritual growth for you. Banish all symbols from your life except for the Real Dairy seal.
  • Leo Nothing dresses up that slimming diet meal like a peach slice on a snow-white bed of cottage cheese.
  • Virgo Just as there are four points on the compass and four chambers in the human heart, there are four food groups—and dairy is the only one you can drink.
  • Libra Be sure to wash down all desserts, from cookies to cake, with an ice-cold glass of milk.
  • Scorpio You will soon take an exciting trip around the world and drink the milk of many an exotic creature.
  • Sagittarius Ease the horrible repetition of your dead-end delivery job by thinking about delicious dairy products.
  • Capricorn It's no coincidence that they call it "the milk of human kindness."
  • Aquarius I always wanted to be a milkman— it’s the family business!
  • Pisces In Heaven, when you die, there will surely be plenty of milk.