Your HoroscopeYour Birthday Today Congratulations, you're now officially too old to have roommates!Aries Wild peals of laughter will surround you this week when you're unexpectedly struck in the nuts by cancer. Taurus They've called you spineless, thin-skinned, a lowly bottom feeder. But then you're Rhopilema verrilli, a species of jellyfish known for its creamy white color and deep swimming bell. Gemini You've tried to go it alone but, sadly, what the act of sexual stimulation really needs is a woman's touch.Cancer Most firearm accidents occur in the home. Avoid the chance of serious injury by getting shot repeatedly at work this week. Leo Your meticulous attention to detail willl once again ruin an other-wise fun and pleasureable pasttime. Virgo Fears of dying alone will soon be allayed when more than 2,000 fire ants keep you company during those last terrifying minutes.Libra Your zodiac sign will continue to grow more ironic with each and every meal you choose to consume. Scorpio A head surgeon and two operating nurses will soon stage a comedy of errors atop your anesthetized chest. Sagittarius Dyslexia may be a serious affliction, but so is abusing it in order to attain triple-letter scores when playing Scrabble. Capricorn The best way to survive a grizzly bear attack is to play dead. Look to your wife and children for pointers on realism. Aquarius Sure, you may be having some second thoughts about it, but when was the last time a little vial of poison hurt anyone? Pisces The stars, though massive balls of plasma incapable of human emotion, pity you.