Your HoroscopeYour Birthday Today Lady Luck will be on your side this week. Unfortunately for you, Lady Skill, Lady Experience, and Lady Applied Probability Theory won't.Aries Coughing up blood is usually a sign of serious illness, but in your case it just means you're drinking it too fast.Taurus It's difficult to imagine what life would be like without your family, which is why you'll resort to a series of detailed sketches, diagrams, and plans.Gemini Earth and water magicks are strong in Gemini this week. Prepare to lose everything you own in a devastating mudslide.Cancer You'll soon be transformed into a half-man, half-wolf monstrosity—bringing you one step closer to becoming a full-fledged human.Leo A wise man once said, "To err is human; to forgive divine." But it's the fact that he charged for the advice that made him shrewd.Virgo You'll lose your childlike innocence this Thursday, and, after pleading guilty to a number of charges, your adult-like innocence as well.Libra A healthy relationship is all about compromise, or at least that's what you'll agree to in order to get your partner off your back. Scorpio Your amusing hospital jig will make all the patients smile, but that's only because they'll realize that dying of cancer isn't the most dehumanizing thing on earth.Sagittarius The stars indicate that you can receive your personalized horoscope reading in Spanish by pressing 3 now.Capricorn Maturity is often linked with a greater sense of responsibility, but you'll have to settle for a thick outer skin and deep yellow color.Aquarius They can take away your house, and they can take away your car, but they'll never take away your dignity. Probably because it isn't worth very much.Pisces While you've always believed in life after death, it's the possibility of life before death you're beginning to wonder about.