Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 11, 2014

HoroscopeEntertainment ISSUE 50•10 Mar 11, 2014
  • Aries Remember, it's never too late to fall in love. It's just too late to fall in the kind of love that isn't a complete compromise based on a fear of dying alone.
  • Taurus You'll become the sworn enemy of men's-magazine readers nationwide when you publicly state that Bullit wasn't really a very good movie.
  • Gemini You'll stumble onto a great little trattoria with excellent food and a great wine list, but what you'll really need is a well-equipped burn ward.
  • Cancer You'll be plunged into a pit of depression by the thought that Stevie Wonder will probably not live forever.
  • Leo Raise your voice in anger and rail against the Gods all you want, but they only have it in blue and not in your size.
  • Virgo Your love life will hum along like a well-oiled machine, thanks largely to a new formulation of oil and a clever little Swedish machine.
  • LibraIn The Hall Of The Mountain King is a strange choice for a first dance between husband and wife, but the walrus trainer insists.
  • Scorpio You've never been the type to believe in love at first sight, or anything else even slightly romantic, for that matter.
  • Sagittarius You'll start to wonder if people aren't getting a little too political after you're blasted in the media for being soft on education and the economy.
  • Capricorn You have to stop worrying about what people think of you, especially since it's so complicated you probably wouldn't be able to understand it.
  • Aquarius They say a fool and his money are soon parted, but you still have that ten bucks you found on the sidewalk the other day.
  • Pisces Your ex will finally stop by to get all his stuff, which is weird because you didn't know anyone saw you take it.