Your Horoscopes - Week Of November 27, 2012 

HoroscopeEntertainment ISSUE 48•48 Nov 27, 2012
  • Aries You'll awake this week to find a complete stranger in your room, along with her husband, their two daughters, and all of their belongings, furniture and clothes.
  • Taurus The stars indicate the start of an exciting new career in the coming days. Though it's really those asteroids you should be paying closer attention to.
  • Gemini You've always been handy with a bow saw, which is good news, as you've never been handy with a bear trap.
  • Cancer The debate over capital punishment rages on this week when hundreds of citizens argue over who gets to strap you in.
  • Leo Remember: Nobody likes to be called a "cold fish" in bed, but taking your bar's love tester home isn't going to prove anything.
  • Virgo Inspiration will hit you when you least expect it this week, knocking you completely unconscious while your back is turned.
  • Libra Get ready to kiss your niece, your nephew, and all of your godchildren goodbye. Though, this time, try not to slip them the tongue while you do it.
  • Scorpio You've never been the type of person who runs away at the first sign of trouble. But that's because you're long gone by the time it arrives.
  • Sagittarius Your exaggerated sense of self-worth takes a steep drop this week when the pyramid of milk bottles refuses to fall.
  • Capricorn A thousand monkeys at a thousand typewriters for a thousand years may not be able to produce the works of Shakespeare, but they could probably come up with a better hyperbole in half that time.
  • Aquarius Your disdain for authority will be on full display this week when you pick a fight with a handsome set of leather-bound encyclopedias.
  • Pisces You will soon make a comfortable living exploiting other people’s deep-seated anxieties and crippling fears.