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Yu Wan Mei Onion Takeover

China Strong

Following approved article contains: Report on strength and might of China; Report on force and vigor of China; Report on how China will continue to succeed and never fail.

American Consumer Masses Agree: It Fish Time!

Following approved article contains: Report on big hot trend sweeping the palates of American consumers; Evidence of deliciousness and ease of consumption regarding all foodstuffs from Yu Wan Mei corporation; List of times of day in which appetizing Fish Time is observed.

Bad Lab Results Often Unreported

A review of more than 5,000 medical records from doctors' offices across the nation revealed that bad test results were not reported to patients 7...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Personal Finance

Comedians

CBS To Release Own Version Of NBC's The Office
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Dane Cook Parlays New Burger King Menu Item Into Hour-Long HBO Special
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Majestic Lowland Gorilla Exploited For Comic Effect
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Comedian Jim Breuer At College Party For Some Reason
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Comedian Confesses To Killing Them Out There
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Husband, Wife Unaware They Are A Comedy Team
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Don Knotts, Richard Pryor Team Up For Madcap Haunting
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Spinning Bow Tie Costs Rick Moranis Celebrity Poker Tournament
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Actors Decide To Go On With Sitcom Despite Cancellation
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Romantic-Comedy Behavior Gets Real-Life Man Arrested
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