Competition

In This Section

Vol 48 Issue 45

Anorexic Woman At Gym Looking Good

CHICAGO—Citing her shapeless physique, protruding skeleton, and jaundiced complexion, gym members exercising at a local Equinox Fitness Club on Friday confirmed that the anorexic woman working out on the first floor is looking good. “Oh, man, ...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Internet

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Competition

NFL Coaches Admit It Sucks When You Have To Punt
Read Full Article
Nation Impressed By Feats Of Very Strong Little Boy
Read Full Article
Cockroach King Concerned Over Recent Rise Of Bedbugs
Read Full Article
Gap Between Rich And Poor Named 8th Wonder Of The World
Read Full Article
Big Brown Attempts Horse Racing Comeback As Jockey
Read Full Article
Exhausted Cyclists Ask For Some Drugs So They Can Finish Tour De France
Read Full Article
Teen Unaware He Locked In Heated Ongoing Competition With Parents' Friends' Son
Read Full Article
Uncle Ben's To Compete Against Apple With Brand-New Smartphone
Read Full Article
Neighborhood Kind Of Hoping Panera Bread Shows Up And Plows Over Charming Local Bakery
Read Full Article
All Of Nation's Resources Dumped Into 50 Children Who Are Actually The Future
Read Full Article
Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More