In This Section

Vol 44 Issue 37

Ron Paul Endorses Third Parties

Former Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul has refused to endorse Sen. John McCain or Sen. Barack Obama, calling the race a charade and...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.


Vehement Anti-Cell-Phone Guy Finally Caves
Read Full Article
Brookstone Scientists 10 Years Away From Towel Alarm Clock
Read Full Article
New Remote Control Can Be Operated By Remote
Read Full Article
New Sony In-Utero TV To Entertain Children In The Womb
Read Full Article
Area Mom: 'I Finally Learned Computers'
Read Full Article
36-Year-Old Still Looking For Ways To Make Brushing Fun
Read Full Article
Computer-Generated Talking Cat On TV Delights Iowa Woman
Read Full Article
Scientists Ask Congress To Fund $50 Billion Science Thing
Read Full Article
VCR Fast-Forwarded With Toe
Read Full Article
Roomba Violates All Three Laws Of Roombotics
Read Full Article
Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More