Health Care

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Vol 46 Issue 27

Obese Engage In Unsafe Sex More

A French study revealed that obese people have sex less often than those of healthier weight, but engage in riskier behavior when they do.

Men Suffer Postpartum Depression Too

A study in the Journal of the American Medical Association showed that 10 percent of new fathers can suffer a serious depression in the first year of a child's birth.

I Have Seen The Future

The insufferable downy-cheeked technocrats in my employ at the Onion News Net-Work have informed me that, due to some folderol about worm-holes aboard fantastical ships that ply the very oceans of the sky, my news organization can now see the future!

Regular Coffee Drinkers No More Alert

Researchers at Bristol University in the UK have found that heavy coffee drinkers derive no boost from the beverage, but merely stave off the depressive effects of withdrawal.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage


Kids Love When Mom Sad Enough To Just Order Pizza

FORT WORTH, TX—Saying they get their hopes up anytime they notice her looking particularly downhearted, siblings Paulo and Marisa Hernandez told reporters Wednesday they love it when their mother is sad enough to just order pizza.


Health Care

Lawyers Opposing Health Care Law Cite Kids-With-Pre-Existing-Conditions-Can-Go-Fuck-Themselves Clause
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Backup Health Care Plan Involves Nation Sharing One Big Jar Of Ointment
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Study: Most Children Strongly Opposed To Children’s Healthcare
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Republicans, Leukemia Team Up To Repeal Health Care Law
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Obama: Health Care Plan Would Give Seniors Right To Choose How They Are Killed
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Congress Deadlocked Over How To Not Provide Health Care
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Cancer Walk Goes Under 15-Straight Miles Of High Tensile Power Lines
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Powerful Rest And Fluids Industry Influencing Doctors' Treatment Of Colds
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Man Succumbs To 7-Year Battle With Health Insurance
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Grandfathers Accidentally Switched At Hospital
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New Prescription-Only Sandwich Extra Delicious
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Renowned Hoo-Ha Doctor Wins Nobel Prize For Medical Advancements Down There
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World Death Rate Holding Steady At 100 Percent
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