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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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The Onion Looks Back At The First 100 Days And 10 Plagues Of The Trump Administration

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‘I Promise To Work Tirelessly To Achieve My Campaign’s Goals,’ Threatens Trump In Terrifying Address

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White House Staff Reminded To Place Lids Firmly On Trash Cans After Steve Bannon Gets Into Garbage Again

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Trump Insists That Now, More Than Ever, Americans Must Stand Strong In Face Of Empathy

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Trump Hails Gorsuch As Fierce Protector Of Future Amendment Allowing President To Temporarily Suspend Right To Assemble

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Eric Trump Scolds Father That He Mustn’t Inquire About The Businesses, For He’s Sworn Not To Tell

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Secret Service Adds Emotional Protection Division To Safeguard Trump’s Psyche

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Officials Struggling To Condense Trump’s Intelligence Briefing Down To One Word

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Mar-A-Lago Member Complains About Loud, Obnoxious Cabinet Meeting At Next Table

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Frustrated Russian Officials Struggling To Get Any Policies Through Dysfunctional Trump Administration

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Mike Pence Clearly Went To Ash Wednesday Services Dozens Of Times

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Rodent Clearly Making Its Way Through Steve Bannon’s Body Throughout National Security Meeting

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Mar-A-Lago Caddy Injures Shoulder Carrying Heavy Set Of Classified National Security Briefings Around Golf Course

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‘I Have Four Young Children,’ Says Kellyanne Conway In Most Disturbing Public Statement To Date

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Federal Judge Pencils Blocking Trump’s Unconstitutional Executive Orders Into Monthly Schedule

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Aides Wrestle Drill From Trump’s Hands As He Tries To Remove Obama Listening Device From Skull

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FBI Calls For Increased Surveillance Powers To Keep Pace With Evolving Threat Of Presidential Administrations

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Jared Kushner Quietly Transfers ‘Solve Middle East Crisis’ To Next Week’s To-Do List

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Trump Unveils Sprawling New Presidential Retreat Where He Can Escape From Stresses Of Mar-A-Lago

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Mike Pence Asks Waiter To Remove Mrs. Butterworth From Table Until Wife Arrives

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Trump Assures Nation That Decision For Syrian Airstrikes Came After Carefully Considering All His Passing Whims

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Sean Spicer Given Own Press Secretary To Answer Media’s Questions About His Controversial Statements

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Trump Spends 10 Minutes Mistakenly Addressing Steve Bannon’s Freshly Shed Exoskeleton

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Cackling Trump Reveals To Dinner Guests They’ve All Just Eaten Single Piece Of His Tax Returns

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Melania Idly Wonders If She Would Get Heads-Up About Nuclear Missile Headed Toward New York

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Mike Pence Has Long Heart-To-Heart With Staffer Who Came To Work With Coffee On Breath

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Trump Promises Government Will Continue To Fund All Essential Mar-A-Lago Staff During Shutdown

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