adBlockCheck

Recent News

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
End Of Section
  • More News

The Onion’s Best Photojournalism Of 2016

Bernie Sanders Fills In For Factory Worker Unable To Take Time Off To Vote

Go To Article

Noam Chomsky Announces Las Vegas Residency

Go To Article

Seating Mix-Up Puts Tony Bennett In Middle Of Slipknot

Go To Article

Tiny Ben Carson Tugs At Debate Moderator’s Pant Leg

Go To Article

Giddy Tim Kaine Presses Face Against Campaign Bus Window As Horse Trailer Drives By

Go To Article

Melania Trump Stumbles Upon Dozens Of Husband’s Haunting, Macabre Self-Portraits

Go To Article

‘The Case, Mr. Kerry, Give Me The Case,’ Demands Malaysian Ambassador Holding Dangling John Kerry From Petronas Towers Skybridge

Go To Article

Hundreds Of Cuban Refugees Clinging To Air Force One On Flight Back To U.S.

Go To Article

Biden Busted In DNC Parking Lot Selling Bootleg ‘I’m With Her’ T-Shirts

Go To Article

Leonardo DiCaprio Kisses Bear Before Going Up To Receive Oscar

Go To Article

‘Why Can I Never Seem To Say The Right Thing?’ Weeps Trump Into Pillow

Go To Article

Pope Francis Hosts Feathered Serpent God As Part Of Deity Exchange Program

Go To Article

Millions Of Drunk Cubs Fans Rioting In Heaven Following World Series Win

Go To Article

Intergalactic Law Enforcement Officers Place Energy Shackles On Hillary Clinton

Go To Article

Parallel World Leaders Meet In Washington For Interdimensional Summit

Go To Article

Pope Francis Wearing Sweater Vestments He Got For Christmas

Go To Article

Mike Pence Training For Vice Presidential Debate By Hitting Punching Bag With Climate Change Study Taped On Front

Go To Article

Clinton Throws Flash Grenade To Divert Attention From Question About Senate Voting Record

Go To Article

Hillary Clinton Bowls Over Catcher To Score Winning Run In Campaign Staff Softball Game

Go To Article

Trump Sits Down Beside Fire With Quill And Ink For Evening Writing Out Tweets

Go To Article

Ted Cruz Dressed For Campaign Rally By Swarm Of Loyal Vermin

Go To Article

‘It’s Hard Being Away From You All,’ Says Donald Trump While Spreading Bird Feed Around Rooftop Pigeon Coop

Go To Article

Swiss Guard Charge Writhing Mass Of Black Tentacles Devouring Pope Francis

Go To Article

Unregistered Horses Meet Under Cover Of Darkness For Kentucky Street Derby

Go To Article

Obama Transformed Into 20-Foot-Tall Monster President After Being Doused With Job-Growth Chemical

Go To Article

Grizzly Bear Catches Spawning Michael Phelps In Jaws

Go To Article
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close