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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Hundreds Of Cuban Refugees Clinging To Air Force One On Flight Back To U.S.

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Leonardo DiCaprio Kisses Bear Before Going Up To Receive Oscar

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Pope Francis Hosts Feathered Serpent God As Part Of Deity Exchange Program

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Millions Of Drunk Cubs Fans Rioting In Heaven Following World Series Win

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Intergalactic Law Enforcement Officers Place Energy Shackles On Hillary Clinton

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Parallel World Leaders Meet In Washington For Interdimensional Summit

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Pope Francis Wearing Sweater Vestments He Got For Christmas

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Mike Pence Training For Vice Presidential Debate By Hitting Punching Bag With Climate Change Study Taped On Front

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Clinton Throws Flash Grenade To Divert Attention From Question About Senate Voting Record

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Hillary Clinton Bowls Over Catcher To Score Winning Run In Campaign Staff Softball Game

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Trump Sits Down Beside Fire With Quill And Ink For Evening Writing Out Tweets

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Ted Cruz Dressed For Campaign Rally By Swarm Of Loyal Vermin

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‘It’s Hard Being Away From You All,’ Says Donald Trump While Spreading Bird Feed Around Rooftop Pigeon Coop

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Swiss Guard Charge Writhing Mass Of Black Tentacles Devouring Pope Francis

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Unregistered Horses Meet Under Cover Of Darkness For Kentucky Street Derby

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Obama Transformed Into 20-Foot-Tall Monster President After Being Doused With Job-Growth Chemical

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Grizzly Bear Catches Spawning Michael Phelps In Jaws

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