Patriotism

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Content From 2011-06-28

Glee

FOX 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT Sue's evil plan to destroy the glee club works and the show ends and we're all saved from ever having to watch another Glee promo or hear another shitty song made shittier by the kids in Glee.

Tireless, Hardworking Reporter Has Already Won Greatest Prize Of All

'The Love And Respect Of My Family And Community,' Esteemed Journalist Says

NEW YORK—Reflecting on a life and career in which he has so far not received any prestigious journalism awards, hardworking reporter Peter Chaykin announced this week that he has already gained the most meaningful and glorious prize possible: the un...

Media Watchdog Spokesman Sought On Embezzlement Charges

OMAHA, NE—According to FBI sources, the nonprofit media watchdog group Americans for Fairness in Awarding Journalism Prizes, or AFAJP, was ordered to cease operations Friday after its spokesman and president, Stephen Forbeck, was indicted on 24 coun...

Seymour Hersh

"I don't feel a sense of pride and accomplishment when I look at my Pulitzer. Instead, I feel angry." - Seymour Hersh

Pack of Vultures

"Those other journalists from The Washington Post and The Baltimore Sun are nothing but a pack of vultures."

Top This

An unforgettable piece of photo-journalism from The Onion that competing media organizations will certainly be unable to surpass this year.

Investigation Exposes eBay User For Selling Fake Pulitzer Medals

Shoddy Imitation Prizes A Total Rip-Off

NEW YORK—Intrepid Onion journalists saw their hard work pay off this week after an investigative report months in the making exposed fraudulent Milwaukee eBay seller Jake Noonan for unloading shoddy imitation Pulitzer Prize medals on unsuspec...

Reporter Spends Month Undercover In Mass Grave

SAN FERNANDO, MEXICO—In an effort to better connect with the men and women murdered by the Zetas drug cartel, Josh Sullivan, an investigative reporter for The Onion, eschewed modern conveniences and the comforts of home for a month, going undercover...

Too Much Integrity?

Some people say The Onion may have too much integrity for the Pulitzer Board to award it a prize.

Almost No One Noticing Officials Doing Corrupt Thing

Almost No One

WASHINGTON—Though officials apparently assumed they would get away with a deeply corrupt inside deal Tuesday, this morning’s edition of The Onion confirmed that one news organization—and only one news organization—had been o...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Comfort

  • The Onion’s Guide To Beach Etiquette

    The arrival of summer means that the nation’s beaches will soon be crowded with swimmers, tanners, surfers, and more, so it’s important for everyone to be conscious of each other’s space and needs. Here are some etiquette tips to ensure that everyone has a safe and relaxing time at the beach:

Business

Patriotism

Last Time Sources Checked This Still America
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Congress Passes 'America Is #1' Bill
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America's Cowboys Suffering From Restless Heart Syndrome
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America's Homeless: Still The Best In The World?
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Country Music Stars Challenge Al-Qaeda With Patriotic New Song ‘Bomb New York’
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Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny's
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Texas Constructs U.S. Border Wall To Keep Out Unwanted Americans
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Freedoms Curtailed In Defense Of Liberty
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America: Is It Worth The Effort?
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Republicans, Dadaists Declare War On Art
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Frustrated Obama Sends Nation Rambling 75,000-Word E-Mail
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U.S. Inspires World With Attempt At Democratic Election
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