adBlockCheck

The 2012 Debates: Six Hours Of Sheer Torture

Top Headlines

Politics

What Is The Alt-Right?

A recent speech by Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton criticizing the “alt-right” movement and its support of Republican nominee Donald Trump has shone the national spotlight on the ideologically conservative group. Here’s what you need to know about the alt-right

Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them

‘If Anything Could Change Our Minds, It Would’ve Happened By Now,’ Say Candidate’s Supporters

WASHINGTON—Saying it should be very clear by now that absolutely nothing can change their position on the matter, steadfast supporters of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told the rest of the nation Wednesday that it really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade them not to vote for him.

Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop

AIKEN, SC—Noting that he disappeared for over an hour during a campaign stop meet-and-greet with workers at a Bridgestone tire manufacturing plant, sources confirmed Tuesday that Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was finally discovered riding on one of the factory’s conveyor belts.

Why Don’t People Like Hillary Clinton?

Although she’s secured the Democratic presidential nomination, many voters across all demographics are still hesitant to vote for Hillary Clinton. The Onion breaks down the reasons Clinton is having a hard time luring reluctant voters.

Who Are Donald Trump’s Supporters?

As Election Day draws near and GOP candidate Donald Trump continues to retain a loyal supporter base, many wonder who these voters are and what motivates them. Here are some key facts to know

How Trump Plans To Turn His Campaign Around

As Donald Trump’s poll numbers continue to fall, many wonder how the GOP presidential nominee can turn his campaign around before Election Day. Here are some ways Trump aims to regain his footing

‘Why Can I Never Seem To Say The Right Thing?’ Weeps Trump Into Pillow

NEW YORK—Quickly running into his bedroom and slamming the door behind him after hearing public criticism of the statements he made regarding the family of a fallen Muslim-American U.S. Army captain, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly threw himself on his bed Tuesday and asked himself “Why can I never seem to say the right thing?” while weeping into his pillow.

Trump Campaign Ponders Going Negative

NEW YORK—Saying they weren’t afraid to take the gloves off for the general election if need be, the campaign team for Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly considered the possibility Monday of pivoting their strategy and going negative.

What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns

Donald Trump’s aides have confirmed that the Republican presidential nominee will not release his tax returns despite numerous public calls for him to honor the expectation of transparency for presidential hopefuls. Here are some of the potentially damning contents that Trump prefers not to release to the public

Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd

‘Family,’ Candidate Says

PHILADELPHIA—Seeking to make her case to the nation’s voters as she accepted her party’s presidential nomination Thursday night, Hillary Clinton reportedly began her headlining address at the Democratic National Convention by holding her infant grandson, Aidan, upside down by his ankle and firmly intoning the word “Family” in front of the assembled crowd.

Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech

PHILADELPHIA—Saying she arrived hours before any of the members of the production crew, sources confirmed Thursday that presidential nominee Hillary Clinton has been waiting in the wings of the Wells Fargo Center stage since six o’clock this morning to deliver her speech at the Democratic National Convention.

Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot

WASHINGTON—Saying she has grown increasingly concerned about her husband’s mental and physical well-being since last Friday, Christie Vilsack, the wife of Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, told reporters Thursday that the despondent, butter-covered cabinet member has entered the sixth day of a destructive corn bender after being passed over for the Democratic vice presidential spot.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

The 2012 Debates: Six Hours Of Sheer Torture

Biden Implores Obama To 'Rub One Out' Before Debate

Go To Article

Millions Of Excited Americans Gather To Watch Candidates Deliver Series Of Short, Elaborately Rehearsed Speeches

Go To Article

Mitt Romney Adopts New ‘Ronnie Ferocious’ Persona For Debates

Go To Article

Sasha Obama Asks Father Why He Was Acting Like Such A Pussy During Debate

Go To Article

Ryan Handed Romney's Latest Political Positions Before Walking On Stage

Go To Article

Biden Puts On Lucky Debate Suit

Go To Article

Security Removes Biden's Rowdy Buddies From Auditorium

Go To Article

Ryan Chugs Down Rhino Horn And Bull Semen Shake For Mid-Debate Boost

Go To Article

Biden Unleashes Torrent Of Vomit On Debate Stage

Go To Article

Eloquent Biden Brings Entire Audience To Tears In Debate Stunner

Go To Article

Biden Shares 20-Minute Post-Debate Kiss With Janna Ryan

Go To Article

Nation Tunes In To See Which Sociopath More Likable This Time

Go To Article

First Question From Debate Audience Somehow Comes From Paul Ryan

Go To Article

Millions Head To Internet To Figure Out Their Own Opinions About Debate

Go To Article

Debate Cut Short As Lantern Fire Burns Down Ol' Town Hall

Go To Article

Live Coverage Of Last Night's Debate From Onion Politics

Go To Article

Tearful Mitt Romney Announces He Has Rare Disease Where You Can't Sit Quietly On Stool When Repeatedly Asked To

Go To Article

Both Candidates Announcing Unmitigated Support For Eugenics Virtually Only Way Tonight's Debate Will Matter At All

Go To Article

Romney Pledges To Replace All Foreign Policy With Jobs Right Here In America

Go To Article

Obama Takes Out Romney With Mid-Debate Drone Attack

Go To Article

Romney Delivers Stern Warning To China, Speaking Directly Into The Camera In Fluent Mandarin

Go To Article

Entire Nation Now Undecided After 4 Debates

Go To Article

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close