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Politics

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.
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The 2012 Debates: Six Hours Of Sheer Torture

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Biden Implores Obama To 'Rub One Out' Before Debate

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Millions Of Excited Americans Gather To Watch Candidates Deliver Series Of Short, Elaborately Rehearsed Speeches

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Mitt Romney Adopts New ‘Ronnie Ferocious’ Persona For Debates

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Sasha Obama Asks Father Why He Was Acting Like Such A Pussy During Debate

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Ryan Handed Romney's Latest Political Positions Before Walking On Stage

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Biden Puts On Lucky Debate Suit

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Security Removes Biden's Rowdy Buddies From Auditorium

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Ryan Chugs Down Rhino Horn And Bull Semen Shake For Mid-Debate Boost

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Biden Unleashes Torrent Of Vomit On Debate Stage

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Eloquent Biden Brings Entire Audience To Tears In Debate Stunner

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Biden Shares 20-Minute Post-Debate Kiss With Janna Ryan

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Nation Tunes In To See Which Sociopath More Likable This Time

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First Question From Debate Audience Somehow Comes From Paul Ryan

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Millions Head To Internet To Figure Out Their Own Opinions About Debate

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Debate Cut Short As Lantern Fire Burns Down Ol' Town Hall

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Live Coverage Of Last Night's Debate From Onion Politics

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Tearful Mitt Romney Announces He Has Rare Disease Where You Can't Sit Quietly On Stool When Repeatedly Asked To

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Both Candidates Announcing Unmitigated Support For Eugenics Virtually Only Way Tonight's Debate Will Matter At All

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Romney Pledges To Replace All Foreign Policy With Jobs Right Here In America

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Obama Takes Out Romney With Mid-Debate Drone Attack

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Romney Delivers Stern Warning To China, Speaking Directly Into The Camera In Fluent Mandarin

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Entire Nation Now Undecided After 4 Debates

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