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The 2012 Debates: Six Hours Of Sheer Torture

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Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot

PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.

Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.

Revelations From The DNC Email Leak

Last week, WikiLeaks posted 20,000 email exchanges among DNC officials, the content of which led to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation on the eve of the convention. Here are some of the key revelations from the leak

CNN Producer On Hunt For Saddest-Looking Fuck With Convention Button Collection

PHILADELPHIA—Weaving his way through the crowd of patriotically dressed attendees excitedly milling around on the floor of the Democratic National Convention, CNN segment producer Jeff Raskin reportedly went on the hunt Monday for the most pitiful-looking fuck willing to speak on camera about their political button collection.
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The 2012 Debates: Six Hours Of Sheer Torture

Biden Implores Obama To 'Rub One Out' Before Debate

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Millions Of Excited Americans Gather To Watch Candidates Deliver Series Of Short, Elaborately Rehearsed Speeches

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Mitt Romney Adopts New ‘Ronnie Ferocious’ Persona For Debates

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Sasha Obama Asks Father Why He Was Acting Like Such A Pussy During Debate

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Ryan Handed Romney's Latest Political Positions Before Walking On Stage

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Biden Puts On Lucky Debate Suit

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Security Removes Biden's Rowdy Buddies From Auditorium

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Ryan Chugs Down Rhino Horn And Bull Semen Shake For Mid-Debate Boost

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Biden Unleashes Torrent Of Vomit On Debate Stage

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Eloquent Biden Brings Entire Audience To Tears In Debate Stunner

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Biden Shares 20-Minute Post-Debate Kiss With Janna Ryan

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Nation Tunes In To See Which Sociopath More Likable This Time

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First Question From Debate Audience Somehow Comes From Paul Ryan

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Millions Head To Internet To Figure Out Their Own Opinions About Debate

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Debate Cut Short As Lantern Fire Burns Down Ol' Town Hall

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Live Coverage Of Last Night's Debate From Onion Politics

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Tearful Mitt Romney Announces He Has Rare Disease Where You Can't Sit Quietly On Stool When Repeatedly Asked To

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Both Candidates Announcing Unmitigated Support For Eugenics Virtually Only Way Tonight's Debate Will Matter At All

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Romney Pledges To Replace All Foreign Policy With Jobs Right Here In America

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Obama Takes Out Romney With Mid-Debate Drone Attack

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Romney Delivers Stern Warning To China, Speaking Directly Into The Camera In Fluent Mandarin

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Entire Nation Now Undecided After 4 Debates

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