The 2012 Debates: Six Hours Of Sheer Torture

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Vol 48 Issue 43

Meat Loaf Endorses Romney

Performing after the band Big & Rich at a Romney rally last night, Meat Loaf offered the candidate an unusual, rambling endorsement in which the 65-year-old rocker mentioned that he had never been involved in politics before, that the Cold War is not ...

Man Throws Money At Problem

A birthday card is discreetly passed around the office like some sort of covert CIA operation, Apple's gag division unveils the sleekest fake dog shit to date, and cactus scientists recommend drinking 8 cups of water per year.

U.S. Signs Declaration Of Dependence On China

WASHINGTON—In what is certain to be regarded as a defining moment in the nation’s history, leading U.S. political figures gathered at the Capitol today to sign their names to the newly drafted Declaration of Dependence ...
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The 2012 Debates: Six Hours Of Sheer Torture

Biden Implores Obama To 'Rub One Out' Before Debate
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Millions Of Excited Americans Gather To Watch Candidates Deliver Series Of Short, Elaborately Rehearsed Speeches
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Mitt Romney Adopts New ‘Ronnie Ferocious’ Persona For Debates
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Sasha Obama Asks Father Why He Was Acting Like Such A Pussy During Debate
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Ryan Handed Romney's Latest Political Positions Before Walking On Stage
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Biden Puts On Lucky Debate Suit
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Security Removes Biden's Rowdy Buddies From Auditorium
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Ryan Chugs Down Rhino Horn And Bull Semen Shake For Mid-Debate Boost
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Biden Unleashes Torrent Of Vomit On Debate Stage
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Eloquent Biden Brings Entire Audience To Tears In Debate Stunner
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Biden Shares 20-Minute Post-Debate Kiss With Janna Ryan
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Nation Tunes In To See Which Sociopath More Likable This Time
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First Question From Debate Audience Somehow Comes From Paul Ryan
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Millions Head To Internet To Figure Out Their Own Opinions About Debate
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Debate Cut Short As Lantern Fire Burns Down Ol' Town Hall
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Live Coverage Of Last Night's Debate From Onion Politics
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Tearful Mitt Romney Announces He Has Rare Disease Where You Can't Sit Quietly On Stool When Repeatedly Asked To
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Both Candidates Announcing Unmitigated Support For Eugenics Virtually Only Way Tonight's Debate Will Matter At All
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Romney Pledges To Replace All Foreign Policy With Jobs Right Here In America
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Obama Takes Out Romney With Mid-Debate Drone Attack
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Romney Delivers Stern Warning To China, Speaking Directly Into The Camera In Fluent Mandarin
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Entire Nation Now Undecided After 4 Debates
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