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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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The 2013 NFL Season: A Retrospective

Doctors Finally Clear Peyton Manning To Play Football

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Some Kind Of Smart-Ass Wearing Kevin Kolb Jersey

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Jay Cutler Hoping To Prove Doubters Whatever In Contract Year

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Area Man Caught Up In Meaningless Fantasy Game

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Andy Reid Motivates Chiefs With Inspirational Speech About Great Burrito Place

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Jenn Sterger Still Receiving Lewd Brett Favre Texts

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Jets Fans, Mark Sanchez Really Hoping Shoulder Injury Rules Him Out For Rest Of Season

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Troy Polamalu Lands On Injured Reserve After Feebleminded Ben Roethlisberger Accidentally Breaks His Neck

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Tony Romo Confident Bruised Ribs Won’t Hurt His Performance In Upcoming Ballet Recital

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Report: Several NFL Teams Interested In Tim Tebow As Grounds Crew Worker

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Jim Schwartz Allowed To Coach Despite Exhibiting Concussion-Like Symptoms

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Giants Nervous They Might Actually All Be On Same Page

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Roger Goodell Announces NFL Will Begin Collecting Players’ Sperm For New Breeding Program

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53 Worst Current Buffalo Bills Players

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Report: Aldon Smith’s Leave Of Absence Could Devastate San Francisco’s Bar Scene

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Jay Cutler Proudly Watches Son Throw First Tantrum

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New Pro Football Hall Of Fame Exhibit Allows Visitors To Experience Concussion

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Washington Redskins Change Their Name To The D.C. Redskins

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Peyton Manning Takes Advantage Of Indianapolis Trip To Visit Wife, Children

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NFL Forbids Chiefs From Creating Their Own Schedule Again Next Season

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Locker Room Reporter Still Hasn’t Gotten Used To Seeing Jerry Jones Naked

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Dan Dierdorf Provides In-Depth Analysis Of Player’s Shoe Falling Off

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Alarming MRI Shows Peyton Manning Has Been Dead For Past 6 Months

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Bill Belichick Places Rob Gronkowski In Patriots’ Injured Reserve Cage

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NFL Players Worried Increased Media Scrutiny Could Disrupt Locker Room BDSM Culture

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Roger Goodell Fired After Another .500 Season

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BREAKING: Producers Assume Shannon Sharpe Doing Highlights Right Now

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Wes Welker Tragically Crushed To Death By Tipped-Over Microphone

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Media Relieved They Don’t Have To Deal With Fucking Harbaughs This Year

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Al-Qaeda Operative Can’t Believe How Expensive Super Bowl Tickets Are

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Pete Carroll’s Friends, Family Admit They’d Love To See Him Get Blown Out In A Super Bowl

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Roger Goodell Freezes To Death

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Depraved Lombardi Trophy Excited To Be Covered In Greasy Fingerprints

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Super Bowl Confetti Made Entirely From Shredded Concussion Studies

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Panicking Marshawn Lynch Unable To Deactivate Beast Mode

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