The 2013 NFL Season: A Retrospective

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Vol 50 Issue 04

Girl Scouts Introduce Gluten-Free Cookies

In an effort to better accommodate those with gluten intolerance, a number of Girl Scout troops around the country will sell a gluten-free version of their chocolate chip shortbread cookie.

Huskies Unstoppable During Cold-Weather Puppy Bowl

NEW YORK—Overcoming frigid temperatures and biting winds, a team of husky puppies overpowered and trounced the opposition Sunday during Puppy Bowl X, the first ever cold-weather Puppy Bowl. As temperatures dropped into the low twenties, puppies atte...

Seahawks vs. Broncos

The Seahawks battle the Broncos in a game that players will be treating like the Super Bowl. Onion Sports examines what each team must do to win.
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The 2013 NFL Season: A Retrospective

Doctors Finally Clear Peyton Manning To Play Football
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Some Kind Of Smart-Ass Wearing Kevin Kolb Jersey
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Jay Cutler Hoping To Prove Doubters Whatever In Contract Year
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Area Man Caught Up In Meaningless Fantasy Game
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Andy Reid Motivates Chiefs With Inspirational Speech About Great Burrito Place
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Jenn Sterger Still Receiving Lewd Brett Favre Texts
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Jets Fans, Mark Sanchez Really Hoping Shoulder Injury Rules Him Out For Rest Of Season
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Troy Polamalu Lands On Injured Reserve After Feebleminded Ben Roethlisberger Accidentally Breaks His Neck
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Tony Romo Confident Bruised Ribs Won’t Hurt His Performance In Upcoming Ballet Recital
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Report: Several NFL Teams Interested In Tim Tebow As Grounds Crew Worker
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Jim Schwartz Allowed To Coach Despite Exhibiting Concussion-Like Symptoms
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Giants Nervous They Might Actually All Be On Same Page
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Roger Goodell Announces NFL Will Begin Collecting Players’ Sperm For New Breeding Program
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53 Worst Current Buffalo Bills Players
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Report: Aldon Smith’s Leave Of Absence Could Devastate San Francisco’s Bar Scene
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Jay Cutler Proudly Watches Son Throw First Tantrum
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New Pro Football Hall Of Fame Exhibit Allows Visitors To Experience Concussion
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Washington Redskins Change Their Name To The D.C. Redskins
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Peyton Manning Takes Advantage Of Indianapolis Trip To Visit Wife, Children
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NFL Forbids Chiefs From Creating Their Own Schedule Again Next Season
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Locker Room Reporter Still Hasn’t Gotten Used To Seeing Jerry Jones Naked
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Dan Dierdorf Provides In-Depth Analysis Of Player’s Shoe Falling Off
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Alarming MRI Shows Peyton Manning Has Been Dead For Past 6 Months
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Bill Belichick Places Rob Gronkowski In Patriots’ Injured Reserve Cage
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NFL Players Worried Increased Media Scrutiny Could Disrupt Locker Room BDSM Culture
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Roger Goodell Fired After Another .500 Season
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BREAKING: Producers Assume Shannon Sharpe Doing Highlights Right Now
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Wes Welker Tragically Crushed To Death By Tipped-Over Microphone
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Media Relieved They Don’t Have To Deal With Fucking Harbaughs This Year
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Al-Qaeda Operative Can’t Believe How Expensive Super Bowl Tickets Are
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Pete Carroll’s Friends, Family Admit They’d Love To See Him Get Blown Out In A Super Bowl
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Roger Goodell Freezes To Death
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Depraved Lombardi Trophy Excited To Be Covered In Greasy Fingerprints
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Super Bowl Confetti Made Entirely From Shredded Concussion Studies
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Panicking Marshawn Lynch Unable To Deactivate Beast Mode
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