The Elderly

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Vol 44 Issue 35

Mugabe Heckled By Parliament

President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe was loudly derided as a murderer by the Movement for Democratic Change as he opened a meeting of parliament. What...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...


Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

The Elderly

Nation’s Grandmothers Swept Up In Textile-Messaging Craze
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Area Senior Remembers A Simpler Time When His Anus Didn't Leak
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More Companies Phasing Out Retirement Option
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Area Grandmother Tries Indian Food
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Area Man Good For The Economy
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Human Affection Now Available Only From Grandparents, Down Syndrome Children
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Grandfathers Accidentally Switched At Hospital
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New Old People Magazine Gives Old People Something To Read While Waiting To Die
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Elderly Man Silently Wages War Against Pharmacy
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Seminal School-Portrait Photographer Dies At 92
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