adBlockCheck

The Onion's Comprehensive Guide To Thanksgiving

Top Headlines

Recent News

What Is The Alt-Right?

A recent speech by Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton criticizing the “alt-right” movement and its support of Republican nominee Donald Trump has shone the national spotlight on the ideologically conservative group. Here’s what you need to know about the alt-right

Aunt On Facebook Casually Advocates War Crime

WILLIAMSPORT, PA—Arguing that it was time to deal decisively with the threat of terrorism, local aunt Deborah Massey casually advocated a war crime Monday in a brief Facebook post, sources confirmed. “Any city that has ISIS people hiding out in it needs to be bombed to the ground.

Dad Shares Photo Album Through Never-Before-Seen Website

SECAUCUS, NJ—Wondering aloud how the father of three even managed to find the online image-hosting service, family members of local dad Phil Yates told reporters Monday the 57-year-old had shared a photo album with them through a never-before-seen website.

How Obamacare Can Be Improved

With Aetna just the latest health insurance provider to opt out of covering Obamacare markets, many are wondering what changes can make the Affordable Care Act more appealing to customers and insurance companies. Here are some proposed improvements

NASA Discovers Distant Planet Located Outside Funding Capabilities

WASHINGTON—Noting that the celestial body lies within the habitable zone of its parent star and could potentially harbor liquid water, NASA officials announced at a press conference Thursday they have discovered an Earth-like planet located outside their funding capabilities.

A Primer On Everyday Sexism

Though opportunities for women have increased considerably over the past century, insidious everyday sexism continues to inform the female experience. Here are some commonly asked questions about this pervasive form of discrimination

Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them

‘If Anything Could Change Our Minds, It Would’ve Happened By Now,’ Say Candidate’s Supporters

WASHINGTON—Saying it should be very clear by now that absolutely nothing can change their position on the matter, steadfast supporters of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told the rest of the nation Wednesday that it really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade them not to vote for him.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

The Onion's Comprehensive Guide To Thanksgiving

The Onion's Guide To Hosting A Perfect Thanksgiving

Go To Article

Only College Student Staying On Campus Planning Saddest Thanksgiving Meal Of All Time

Go To Article

Reporter Investigates Claims He Ruined His Family's Thanksgiving Dinner

Go To Article

Mom Brought To Tears By Thing Picked Up At Airport

Go To Article

Top Thanksgiving Turkey Substitutes

Go To Article

Why Are We Hosting Thanksgiving?

Go To Article

Thanksgiving Football Highlights

Go To Article

Americans Enjoying Thanksgiving Tradition Of Sitting Around At Airport

Go To Article

Obama Outlines Moral, Philosophical Justifications For Turkey Pardon

Go To Article

20,000 Sacrificed In Annual Blood Offering To Corporate America

Go To Article

FDA Approves Seconds

Go To Article

Grandma Concerned About Dinner Roll Count

Go To Article

26-Year-Old To See Every Asshole He Ever Went To High School With On Night Before Thanksgiving

Go To Article

Making Family Gatherings Stress-Free

Go To Article

Unstable Relative, Toddler Compete For Attention At Family Get-Together

Go To Article

Study Finds Link Between Red Wine, Letting Mother Know What You Really Think

Go To Article

95 Percent Of Opinions Withheld On Visit To Family

Go To Article

Nation's Uncles Enter Last Stage Of Prep For Thursday's Thanksgiving Debates

Go To Article

Who Are We Inviting To Thanksgiving?

Go To Article

Cowboys' Presumed Thanksgiving Win To Cause Nation To Vomit Up Dinners

Go To Article

New Balloons In This Year's Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

Go To Article

Domino's Introduces Thanksgiving Feast Pizza

Go To Article

In Thanksgiving Tradition, Bush Pardons Scooter Libby In Giant Turkey Costume

Go To Article

BREAKING: Cousin Mark Coming After All

Go To Article

Dez Bryant Smacks Son During Thanksgiving Game Promo

Go To Article

Turkey Pardon Mishap Results In Accidental Release Of Serial Rapist

Go To Article

Siblings Gather Around PowerPoint To Hash Out Off-Limits Topics For Thanksgiving

Go To Article

Thousands Gather For Stuffing Of Giant Rockefeller Center Turkey

Go To Article

White House Thanksgiving Turkey Detained Without Counsel

Go To Article

Black Friday Deals

Go To Article

How To Cook A Perfect Thanksgiving Turkey

Go To Article

The Clemency Of Cranberry

Go To Article

Winter Storm Threatens Homeless Man’s Plans To Survive Over Thanksgiving

Go To Article

Thanksgiving By The Numbers

Go To Article

FAA Issues Holiday Reminder That Planes Can Crash And Kill You

Go To Article

What's Our Family's Thanksgiving Tradition?

Go To Article

Unclear Whether Grandpa Having Good Time

Go To Article

The Onion’s Tips For Traveling Over The Holidays

Go To Article

Pope Francis Canonizes Single Turkey In Annual Vatican Tradition

Go To Article

Infertile Aunt Doing It Up Big At Kids Table

Go To Article

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close