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The Onion's Comprehensive Guide To Thanksgiving

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Charles Koch Orders Sniper To Fire Warning Shot Next To Marco Rubio On Debate Stage

GREENVILLE, SC—In response to the presidential candidate’s unsatisfactory answer to a question about the economic effects of environmental regulations, Koch Industries CEO Charles Koch reportedly ordered a sniper positioned in the rafters of the Greenville Peace Center to fire a warning shot near Marco Rubio’s podium during Saturday’s Republican debate.
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The Onion's Comprehensive Guide To Thanksgiving

The Onion's Guide To Hosting A Perfect Thanksgiving

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Only College Student Staying On Campus Planning Saddest Thanksgiving Meal Of All Time

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Reporter Investigates Claims He Ruined His Family's Thanksgiving Dinner

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Mom Brought To Tears By Thing Picked Up At Airport

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Top Thanksgiving Turkey Substitutes

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Why Are We Hosting Thanksgiving?

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Thanksgiving Football Highlights

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Americans Enjoying Thanksgiving Tradition Of Sitting Around At Airport

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Obama Outlines Moral, Philosophical Justifications For Turkey Pardon

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20,000 Sacrificed In Annual Blood Offering To Corporate America

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FDA Approves Seconds

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Grandma Concerned About Dinner Roll Count

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26-Year-Old To See Every Asshole He Ever Went To High School With On Night Before Thanksgiving

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Making Family Gatherings Stress-Free

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Unstable Relative, Toddler Compete For Attention At Family Get-Together

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Study Finds Link Between Red Wine, Letting Mother Know What You Really Think

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95 Percent Of Opinions Withheld On Visit To Family

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Nation's Uncles Enter Last Stage Of Prep For Thursday's Thanksgiving Debates

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Who Are We Inviting To Thanksgiving?

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Cowboys' Presumed Thanksgiving Win To Cause Nation To Vomit Up Dinners

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New Balloons In This Year's Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

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Domino's Introduces Thanksgiving Feast Pizza

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In Thanksgiving Tradition, Bush Pardons Scooter Libby In Giant Turkey Costume

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BREAKING: Cousin Mark Coming After All

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Dez Bryant Smacks Son During Thanksgiving Game Promo

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Turkey Pardon Mishap Results In Accidental Release Of Serial Rapist

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Siblings Gather Around PowerPoint To Hash Out Off-Limits Topics For Thanksgiving

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Thousands Gather For Stuffing Of Giant Rockefeller Center Turkey

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White House Thanksgiving Turkey Detained Without Counsel

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Black Friday Deals

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How To Cook A Perfect Thanksgiving Turkey

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The Clemency Of Cranberry

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Winter Storm Threatens Homeless Man’s Plans To Survive Over Thanksgiving

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Thanksgiving By The Numbers

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FAA Issues Holiday Reminder That Planes Can Crash And Kill You

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What's Our Family's Thanksgiving Tradition?

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Unclear Whether Grandpa Having Good Time

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The Onion’s Tips For Traveling Over The Holidays

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Pope Francis Canonizes Single Turkey In Annual Vatican Tradition

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Infertile Aunt Doing It Up Big At Kids Table

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