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Frenzied Trump Supporters Admit They’d Be Just As Happy Tearing Him To Pieces

‘We’re Just Mad And Want To Destroy Something,’ Say Candidate’s Backers

WASHINGTON—Saying they simply needed something to direct their anger toward, the nation’s frenzied Donald Trump supporters admitted Thursday that, if circumstances were different, they would be just as happy tearing the Republican frontrunner to pieces.
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  • Man’s Body Running Out Of Ideas To Convince Him He Full

    BAYTOWN, TX—Having repeatedly ratcheted up the 34-year-old’s level of discomfort with no noticeable effect on his behavior, the body of local man Kent Dugan confirmed Wednesday that it was starting to run out of ideas to convince him that he was full.

The Onion's Finest Photojournalism Of 2012

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Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie Arrive On Oscar Red Carpet 12 Hours Early

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Supreme Court Justices Drowsily Bid One Another Good Night While Drifting Off To Sleep In Giant Shared Bed

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Biden To Honor Fallen Soldiers By Jumping Motorcycle Over Vietnam Memorial

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Donald Trump Stares Forlornly At Tiny, Aged Penis In Mirror Before Putting On Clothes, Beginning Day

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Gay Marine Beaten To Bloody Pulp To Fire Up RNC Crowd

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Romney, Ryan Sneak Into DNC While Posing As Caterers

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