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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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The Onion's Finest Sports Photojournalism Of 2012

Rangers Mistakenly Attempt To Woo Roy Oswalt By Touting Dallas' Gay Nightlife Scene

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Eli Manning: 'My Mom And Dad Are Taking Me To Disney World!'

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NASCAR Driver's Parents Pay For Congratulatory Message On Side Of Son’s Car

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Adorable Jaguars Mail Peyton Manning Picture They Fingerpainted Of Him Wearing Jacksonville Jersey

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Tebow, Sanchez Vow To Work Together To Throw Football

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Big Brown Attempts Horse Racing Comeback As Jockey

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Jubilant Rangers Throw Skates Into Stands

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MLB Unsure Why It Ever Agreed To Hold League-Wide 'Teeny Tiny Boy Shorts Day'

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Nation Concerned Tiger Woods Only Has That One Red Shirt

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Creepy Fan In Bleachers Watching You More Than Game

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London Olympic Workers Use Crane To Lower Bob Costas In Front Of Crackling Fireplace

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London Opening Ceremonies End With Traditional Lighting Of Olympic Stadium

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Lakers Accidentally Trade For 7-Inch-Tall Center Dwink Howard

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Dickhead In Sanchez Jersey Turns Out To Be Mark Sanchez

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Cubs Fans Now Too Fat To Attend Games

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Back Judge From Packers-Seahawks Game Returns To Job As Air Traffic Controller

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Alabama State Constitution Changed to Just Read 'Roll Tide'

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John Madden Finally Just Eats RV

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MRI Reveals Derek Jeter Still Has Couple Shitty Seasons Left In Him

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Ben Roethlisberger Admits Wearing Steelers Throwback Jersey Lowest Point In His Life

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Eli Manning Reverts To 13-Year-Old Form After Making Wish To Be Kid Again

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Pistons Lose To Elementary School Girls Team After Big Night From 4'9" Center

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