The Week In Pictures – Week Of January 27, 2014

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Vol 50 Issue 03

Jay Z Honored To Be Nominated In Same Category As Jay Z

LOS ANGELES—Saying that he was thrilled to be considered alongside such a talented and respected musician, hip-hop artist and 2014 Best Rap Album Grammy nominee Jay Z told reporters today that he feels “deeply honored” to be nominated in...

Lunchbox Mostly Medication

Inclement weather prevents a liar from getting to work, thousands of athletes who will disgrace their country eagerly train for the Winter Olympics, and a lunchbox is mostly medication.

Mascot Absolutely Reeks

SYRACUSE, NY—Saying that they probably never clean the thing, sources confirmed Friday that Syracuse University’s mascot Otto the Orange absolutely reeked as he wove his way in and out of stands.
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Comfort

  • Entire Room Mentally Shaving Man's Facial Hair

    WHITE PLAINS, NY—Stunned and visibly offended by the sheer volume of facial hair visible before them, every single customer at local diner Hubbard's this morning was reportedly eyeing 28-year-old fellow patron David Kellerman and mentally shaving of...

Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

The Week In Pictures – Week Of January 27, 2014

Report: Lake Ice Grows Safer To Venture Out On With Each Beer Consumed
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Genius Magazine Editor Does It Again With Marilyn Monroe–Inspired Photoshoot
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Hypochondriac Maple Tree Always Convinced It Has Asian Longhorn Beetles
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Fussy Eater 38
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Report: Imagine How Good It Would Feel To Just Crawl Back Into Bed Right Now
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Thousands Of Athletes Who Will Disgrace Countries Eagerly Training For Winter Olympics
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BREAKING: Dogs Running
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New Leather-Bound Notebook To Really Unleash Area Woman's Creativity
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Mom Just Called To Say Hi And That She’s Very Sad
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Laid-Off Man Finally Achieves Perfect Work-Life Balance
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Woman Takes Short Half-Hour Break From Being Feminist To Enjoy TV Show
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Nation Back On Board With SeaWorld Following Awesome Orca Trick
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Interns Treated To Informative 30-Minute Q&A Session With Totally Miserable Employees
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Beautiful Cinnamon Roll Too Good For This World, Too Pure
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Report: Most Americans Can’t Even Name Their State’s Shadow Lord
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