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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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The Week In Pictures – Week Of July 1, 2013

USA Renews 'Burn Notice,' 'Royal Pains,' 'Burn Collar,' 'Covert Notice,' 'Royal Affairs,' 'Legal Burns'

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Markets In Turmoil As Price Of Money Skyrockets To $90 A Dollar

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Impatient Nation Demands Supreme Court Just Get To The Gay Stuff

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Family Tells Ailing Mandela Racism Over

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Johnny Depp Now Physically Unable To Walk Unless Whimsically Teeter-Tottering Across Rolling Log, Wobbly Plank, Or Swaying Beam

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Chicago Blackhawks Relatively Silence Boston Fans

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George Zimmerman’s Attorney Opens Second Day Of Trial With Trayvon Martin Impression

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Silvio Berlusconi Transferred To Steamy All-Female Penitentiary

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Cat Looking Out Window, Bird Form Unbelievably Intense Fifth-Of-A-Second Bond

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Nation Celebrates What Is, Technically Speaking, Progress

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Gay Marriage Opponents Warn Supreme Court Ruling Could Put Nation On Slippery Slope To Rationality

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Scalia, Thomas, Roberts, Alito Suddenly Realize They Will Be Villains In Oscar-Winning Movie One Day

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‘I Would Be Absolutely Perfect For This,’ Report 1,400 People Looking At Same Job Posting

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13 Adorable Photos Of Baby Farm Animals, But With Each Click, Another Appendage Will Be Cut Off Our Finance Director’s Body. How Far Will You Go? When Will You Let It Stop?

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Eminem Terrified As Daughter Begins Dating Man Raised On His Music

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